A wolf's tale

In loving memory of Mimi the dog (????- 1.2.2012)

2012-02-01T20:13:00.005+08:00

The 1st Encounter:

I couldn't remember how it was when she first came into our house. But I do remember why. My dad asked me do I want to have a dog or not few days before she came. I wanted to say yes,but I had a stray cat at that time and I was pretty much comfort and enjoy his companion,so I wasn't so sure whether I wanted to break that companionship or not,so I kept silence. My mom said no,but we always ignored her voice,so the dog came anyway.

Such a tiny hyperactive jumper. She could jump as high as my thigh (I was 10 years old) without a break for 10 times. Her story was: A friend of my uncle got her from the street (she was probably a lost dog). Knowing my uncles love dogs too,he gave her to him. While my uncle was having two Chihuahuas at that time, he couldn't afford to have this hyperactive MinPin anymore. So he gave it to my dad, which is my family where she live happily for about 13 years. She wasn't a puppy anymore,but still very young. Probably at the age of 1 or 2. So we never had puppy biting habits problem with her.

The 1st Walk：

It was an evening. I volunteer myself to walk her. Tiny but strong she was the one who actually walking me. I was excited. Although she's not the first dog of our family,she was my first. She loved the grass. She keep bolting and chocked herself every time that I had to get her harness someday. But the first walk,I was not doing it rightly,my bro said. Everyone was outside with me and her,my two brothers.

A walk in the morning and evening became hers and our habit for 13 years. We never toilet trained her but she never pee or poo in the house. She would wait for the time for us to bring her out. Well,unless she couldn't hold it any longer,which is our fault. During my school years,I took afternoon nap on cushion and she would jumped up and woke me up with her licks whenever it was her walking time.She was very persistent that I had to give in every time.

During her young age,we had to keep her on leash during the walk as she was a runner. As trust and bonding grew stronger,we let her out off leash. But she would still try to sneak away under our watch (smart!) and we would have to run in front of her to stop her from going further. As she grew older,she became more sensitive and fearful and dare not to venture far from our house without us walking with her. Until the day before she left,she still insisted to go out to pee with her weak wobbly legs. Just that we have to carry her as she couldn't walk too long.

The 1st Nest:

We gave her a box to sleep in, and put her at the back of kitchen at night. I would eventually carried the box with her sleeping inside to the back of kitchen every night (I don't know why). Then we found an old dog cage,so we caged her at night when we sleep. Fearing that mosquito would drained her blood,mom made a mosquito net for her (tailor-made!). Then we changed furniture so she had a cushion as bed! My mom made her a cotton (real cotton) bed too! She changed quite a few beds in her lifetime!

At her old age where she couldn't jumped with bad eyesight,she couldn't sleep inside her cage anymore.Mom put her bed outside of her cage.We let one of the lights and fans for her at night.

The Last Hyperactive:

Whenever I came back,she would welcome me with her short waggy tail and butt so that anyone could tell how happy she was. Then I would let her sat on my lap like old time until mom urged me to bath. But this time she just gave me a short greeting. She didn't came out like usual when I got home until I went near to her bed. She still follow me around for a while and curled up on my lap for a little while. Mom said she just recovered from don't know what sickness and she just got back her strength to walk around on that day.

The Last Days:

Her eyes were in grey caused by cataracts, almost blind. Her hearing ability decreased that we not sure whether she still could hear us. She was so skinny that as if only a layer of skin covering her bones. She just laid on her bed the whole day until she stood up signaling us that she wants to go out.

Her condition was unpredictable. It was a day of getting better then a day of just sleeping on bed. On the 8th day of Dragon Year, she refused to eat anything,even cereal with minced meat that she finished the day before. At night, we tried to feed her hard-boiled egg and to our relief, she ate the whole egg yolk and half of the egg.

On the 9th day,again she refused to eat. Just a little bit of 'Ang Gu' and water. I put her on my lap for the last time as mom changed her bed cover. At night,I noticed her breathing difficulty problem. She was like dropped her head to a side and grasping for air. I sat by her and comforted her until she got her breath back. I told mom that tomorrow we should call the vet. Mom said she is just waiting for her time.

2 something at night, I was sleepy but I was unwilling to sleep. Mom wasn't sleeping yet as well. I kept an eye on her while editing my resume. Mom went to bed. She grasping for air again. My hand felt her bed was wet. She wet her bed at last. I told her it was okay and I'll bring her to vet tomorrow and she hid her face away as if she felt ashamed of wetting her bed. I shut down my laptop,left the light and fans on for her and went to bed.

Back to the 1st:

Mom woke me up saying I should be awake. I checked the time,it's 8 just something,too early and unusual for her to wake me up. I wanted to get back to sleep but I felt something was not right,so I got up anyway. I went out to look for her but she and her bed was not there. I asked mom where is she, mom said she's dead. Mom put her in a box with her towel. Her eyes weren't shut tight, her limps weren't stiff, as if she was just sleeping. We dug a hole and buried her at the back of our house. She is still nearby.

I watched an episode of Dog Whisperer where a family was still grieving for their lost dog. The kid of the family said the dog has finally able to run freely again and not covered in white fur anymore. I guess this is the best way to think of her. She is hyperactive again with her cute big puppy eyes that made her looked smart,her sharp hearing, and loud barking,she is young once more. I would never forget her young days where she jumped around the cushions in living room like crazy,her big wide eyes,her snuggled on my laps,slept on my butt when I laid in living room watching tv. I would never forget also my heartache when I saw her cataract grey-white eyes, white muzzles and whiskers, white fur,old age of her.

She made me fall in love with dogs.

We grow up together but I wasn't here when she was growing old.

Mimi was a great dog.

Thanks you for growing up with me.

Sorry for not being there with you while you were growing old.

But I'm glad I was here during her last days.

Mom said she'd chosen the right time.

Indeed. I came back for new year. I was here with her.

I was the last person she saw and heard. And she waited until everyone was asleep. Then she sneaked away. Silently.

2012-01-27T01:36:00.003+08:00

小时候看X-Men总幻想自己某天会有超能力，

然后就可以行侠仗义当英雄。

再长大些看Pokemon时幻想自己有只喷火龙，

可爱小龙进化成威猛飞龙继续喷火战斗坏人。

再长大些后发现这些都是小孩子的梦想，

所以要实际点，理想着以后长大了要找份很高薪水的工作当成功人士可以让父母骄傲让亲戚闭嘴 X)

结果长大成人后发现实际的理想其实也没有很实际，

目前毕业了的理想就是找份工作从什么都不会开始努力学，平平淡淡的有份可以过日子的薪水，然后老狗狗可以不那么痛苦，父母健康大家好好的就好了。

I know she'll leave us soon. Just hope not so soon.

Even though she's having wobbly legs she still insist to go out for pee pee and poo poo.

Such a good dog. Such a great dog.

Hoping she'll feel better tomorrow.

Everything is possible.

无夜

2012-01-13T01:07:00.003+08:00

今夜酒醉又为谁？

如果2012年是个末日之年，

我会说我爱你

然后大家一起消灭在这个世界上。

至今我已学会了无欲无求，

顺其自然，

有就有没有就没有，

我已经丧失了追求的能力。

如今的我毫无自强能力，

只希望平平淡淡，

不再是轰轰烈烈的。

感情，有则有，无则无，

我已忘了如何追求。

哈哈是也。

感恩是也。

无我是也。

回来了就好

2012-01-06T00:50:00.004+08:00

两个星期短暂的离开，发生了有些意想不到的事情。

一个同学的父亲意外身亡，就在平安夜那天。那位父亲我也见过，一家人都很好人很亲切。

人生非常莫测，谁知道明天会发生什么事。

2010年的圣诞和跨年我都在医院里渡过，小腿骨折耗了我半年多的时间才让我重新站起来。

谁又会猜到2011年的圣诞和跨年我会在中国的城市里渡过？用双腿行走了中国的多个城市？

我很感恩。

昨天，多年的兄弟们又聚在一起了。

三年了，默契依旧。

我很欣慰。

回来了就好。

人生最开心莫过于三两知己聚在一起。

2012年，

我要找份工作好好干，

环保多一些，

生气少一些，

待人处事成熟一些，

顺顺利利。

境界

2012-01-05T13:13:00.005+08:00

到了一种境界哦，

你会认同那句，

‘既然没有缘分，那没有在一起那也没有什么好可惜的了。’ 前提是：至少努力过。

不必再把思念表现出来，

自己知道就好。

也不必去求问她到底过得好不好，

因为她有自己的生活要过，

你也有自己的生活要过。

不必为他人而‘独守空房’，

有缘来时珍惜就好。

缘分还没到也莫须强求，

伤心一下下就好，

一下下哦~

如此顺其自然的境界，

都可以出家了，阿弥陀佛。

人生中第一次远途旅程

2012-01-04T18:25:00.003+08:00

两个星期的流浪，不能说好玩，也不能说不好玩。

去了好多个城市，走了好多的路，住在不同的地方，遇到不同的人，见到不同的朋友。

要感谢朋友们的热情招待，特别是我‘阿娘’，哎呀搞得我太不好意思了。

中国人好客，好客到你很不好意思的一种程度。我体会到到‘有朋自远方来不亦乐乎’的体会了。而我是那个‘朋’。

又内疚，因为过去也没带手礼过去给朋友们。哎太不好意思。还是不太懂礼数，不够识大体。

杭州-厦门-上海-西塘-苏州

住了两次的青年旅社，我很喜欢。每个城市都有的青年旅社，环境很不错。

照片有1500多张，还没传入电脑，在烦恼那么多照片放进电脑会不会把我电脑撑满？

不能说好玩，也不能说不好玩。我知道这次的旅程经历让我成长了一些，哪方面又说不上来。

我知道下次的旅程我会计划得更好。

2011-12-12T04:20:00.003+08:00

因为知道表态了也不会有什么改变，

所以就什么也不表态好了，

假装什么事都没有。

如果明天是世界末日的话，

我会说出来。

可是世界末日我们不会知道是几时。

是不是继续过日子就好呢？

我也不知道这样是不是正常，

偶尔的如此，

时间过了那么久了，

grief到时间都快记不清了。

2011-11-24T03:04:00.002+08:00

“你好吗？”

若你幸福，

请忘了我。

若你过得不开心，

希望过往的记忆可以带给你一些快乐的回忆。

You have all the reasons not to be with me.

Now I understand.

不够成熟，没有能力。

Too much of fantasy recently.

想太多

2011-11-08T22:43:00.001+08:00

感冒了。

右眼一直在跳，双眼水汪汪，太阳穴有点紧，鼻子塞了一个，严重不舒服......

又想起了死亡。

是不是像睡着了一样，

渐渐的失去意识，然后停止呼吸，心脏停止跳动，血液停止输送氧气，脑袋缺少氧气供应，能量渐渐从人体内消失。然后所有体内的机械就如当机了一样shut down?

FB上大家都中了《那些年》的毒。

我不是九把刀迷。不知道《那些年》是什么东西。

初恋吗？和我的差太远。

追女孩吗？我也追，只是也差好远。

Relate不到，想象不到，不好意思谢谢拜拜。

如果我说我还想你，

do you know who you are?

最近好多歌都有‘如果’ 这东西。

爱情有如果吗？没有。

如果了又不能怎样 ╮(╯_╰)╭

可是我喜欢阿福的“如果有如果”~ 舒服的歌声~

曾经接近死亡。

前年骨痛热症，住了两个礼拜医院。

去年右腿细菌感染，住了两个月医院。

今年平平安安，感恩感恩！！

2011-11-01T01:50:00.003+08:00

分手是有季节的。

差不多七月到十月是分手季节。

恋爱也是有季节的。

分手季节过后就是恋爱的季节。

看着分分离离，

有些红娘还是我。

看着伤心，

也看着开心。

这样也好 =)

2011-10-27T10:51:00.002+08:00

你永远不知道关灯躺下后会想的是什么。

会是某天发生的事情，

某人的动作，

某时刻的伤心生气，

还是某时刻的开心温暖。

思念止不住，

只好放任涌流，

然后忽然的就不知不觉的睡着了。

2011-10-22T03:36:00.003+08:00

突然想....

如果我有她那样那样那样的话，

会怎样？

人比人，

伤心死人。

生日快乐

我迟了

依旧如此美丽淳朴

三年前犹如昨天一样。

2011-09-13T15:43:00.003+08:00

最近的生活在磨着我的耐性。

耐性在渐渐消失，变得烦躁不安。

尤其是对人类，那么的愚蠢、自私、丑恶。

对人性的宽容越来越少。

面对狗群，竟然比面对人群，舒心一百倍。

生活在磨着我的耐性。

变得烦躁不安，

不安于成为俗人的一部分。

我是那么的不屑俗人。

好多年前我给我自己取个网名为‘独行狼者’。

如独行侠一样我行我素，一个人也安然潇洒。

如狼一样保持野性，如狗一样真诚。

总想自己和其他人不一样。

忘了狼和狗不会感情受伤，如何能如受伤的小兽一样躲起来自舔伤口呢？

我没有迷失自我，

我不喜欢成为俗人，

我只是情感发泄罢了。

2011-08-31T05:12:00.002+08:00

It has been years.

Reading back the past still makes me cry.

Just like the song by Rascal Flatts-- 'What Hurts the Most'

All is well.

Now I don't even know how to express myself through words.

文笔大不如前啊....

还是越来越深沉了....

Doubt

2011-08-16T22:24:00.001+08:00

I don't know how to maintain a relationship.

Now I don't even know how to maintain a friendship.

Hah.

'cham' ‘掺’

2011-07-25T03:17:00.002+08:00

有时候，必须做的事情，或是想做的事情，因为麻烦，以逃避的心态越拖越久，结果会更麻烦，而事情还是没有解决。╮(╯▽╰)╭

知道咖啡会睡不着嘛，还喝两杯，活该~caffeine overdosed~

I do miss those times when we had a huge gang of people hanging out together. But I know it won't be the same anymore,even if everyone manage to sit at the same table once again. Everyone's too occupied with their own work. Things that happened. Feelings that got hurt. People grown up.

遗憾.

因为在乎，所以在意，有时候是解释不了。如此的尴尬，如此的为难。

what happen on 9th July 2011

2011-07-22T03:57:00.004+08:00

What's the trendy colour now in Malaysia?

Definitely YELLOW!

Yes I'd always love Yellow Man! But I have no idea why the 'CLEAN' associated with YELLOW,maybe they like YELLOW MAN too! But I do know about the purpose of 'CLEAN' and like most of the young people nowadays that Facebook too much, I do know what happen on the day,although I didn't participate it. But I swear I would in the future!

Oh well, there are two types of Malaysian now: Pro-yellow or anti-yellow. But some of the pro-yellow do not really understand the purpose of 'CLEAN', and some anti-yellow mis-associated YELLOW with anti-government,trouble-makers,blablabla. Well actually a lot of young people,including some of the people I knew that went to the rally,did not belong to any political groups. People supported YELLOW ACTION because we want a clean and transparent election. We are tired of having the jokers as our nation leaders. See the 8 demands of CLEAN groups.

I'd registered as voter last week.

The young generation should stop being ignorant of what's happening in this country. We may hate politics but we do love this country. Action is needed. Never change, never know.

Bah anyway,I did went out on the historical day itself. When I received the news that all roads entering KL will be blocked I was like "oh shit". But I still decided to go with the plan,thinking that "Stupid!Trying to keep all your citizens in their house? I'm going out!'. Although I got lost and was near KL when I was heading back home from KBB,but I had no trouble, no jam no roadblock,no cars, (only a few).

People and their furkids in water~

Apparently my photo size is too large and taking too much time to upload....ok this pic for now 1st~

Note

2011-05-04T02:10:00.003+08:00

Finally bought a camera! Nikon D3100!

Planned to get it last year before Bro's wedding,but accident happened,so plan got delayed... Anyway,I'm glad to have it! Bought it with my own money! Yay!

Will start learning how to utilize a DSLR camera to capture beautiful moments and people I treasured.

Having trouble in falling asleep at night lately. Couldn't figure out why. Is there something that I wanted to do left undone? Or am I anxious bout something that I didn't realize? Hm...

Need to find peace within myself.

聚散

2011-04-30T02:15:00.005+08:00

我现在才发现，以后再也不会有10多个人霸着AE1的左边前两排位子了，意味着我们其实已经离散了，虽然还没有正式毕业，不过不会再同班咯。

我发现从一直以来我都对离别没什么感觉，总是好聚好散，没有特别伤感的毕业离别情绪，果然是超级内向的人嘛，对人群不感冒~~

不过嘛，我会记得属于我群体里的伙伴~

才发现我们这群体已经有2-3年，从几个人扩大到10多个？

虽然群体很大，来自不同东西南北，我相信毕业后还是有机会相聚的~

趁还没正式毕业还没正式工作还没进入adulthood之前，赶快尽情的玩乐吧~~~

透露下，年尾我会去流浪别个国度~去看憧憬已久的雪~

目前正在考虑买哪种相机的阶段。

DSLR or compact digital?

Nikon or Canon?

D3100 or D3000？

EOS600D or EOS550D or EOS1100D?

T.T

碎片思绪

2011-04-23T03:09:00.005+08:00

有没有那么一个人，在心里有个特别的位置，不去打扰不去联络不去问候，却是如此深刻的一个人?这是我心里的秘密，这是个另一个故事，有关我的爱情，有关一些记忆，还有关是否会影响着未来。这不是个伟大的爱情故事，也没有轰轰烈烈，反而很卑微很见不得光，所以那时候了解很深入的朋友并不多，自己渡过的低潮期，还引起兄弟不满。不想说是因为早知道的结果还要去犯贱，没什么好哭诉的。反正我觉得不是个什么光荣的事，因为我是个第三者。

我想不会有其他人能让我如此的歇斯底里，让我如此的说出如此不理智的话，如此的低潮的一段日子。会不会就这样没有再爱人的能力了？原本就没有浪漫个性也不是好情人，还会对别的人有爱的感觉吗？我不会为她留守单身，我还是会喜欢上其他人，只是喜欢和爱，差很多。喜欢上了，却达不到爱的层次，还想要一起过日子，很自私。

其实现在已经没怎么了，偶尔的想起以前，偶尔的想起我觉得她对我的背叛，还是会自然的留下泪。恨过，不恨她，恨的这世俗这世道这见不得光，恨的异性恋的特权，恨的我不是男生。怨过，怨她怎么没为我努力没像她爱她前任那么爱我。怒过，怒她不勇敢怒她我认为她对我的背叛。

在另一个城市有她，所以那个城市有特别意义。

我只是忽然情绪汹涌了，或许某天会写出完整的故事。

'eh,your brother ah?'

2011-04-04T13:29:00.003+08:00

Yesterday in Starbucks, a partner brought his sibling along to work.

So, I asked him:

'Eh, your brother ah?'

'No la, my sister, like Hui Min only'

Me went 'O.O ah? your sister?'

'Really la,my sister!!!'

Then I went 'oohh~~emmm~~ how old is she?'

'12 going 13'

'emmm~~' *peek on the young tb to-be.

Then, after a while, my MOD asked the partner again.

'That's your brother ah?'

'No! My sister!'

'What? your sister? you got sister meh? I thought you only got younger brother?'

'My younger sister la!'

'Sister?' MOD turn to look at the young tb and turn back to look at the partner

'Yea my sister, you thought I'm joking ah? Really my sister la!'

MOD then said 'can join Hui Min and Kaven odi'

12、13 years old,ok la still a kid,haven't grow up,that's why I can't recognized lo~

This reminded me of my own experience of being mistaken as little brother whenever my eldest bro took me out with him hang out with his friends.

Now only I know how awkward it was~

I felt that tiny tb keep watching me. Oklo if I'm 12 13 and I saw someone that 'connects' with my own dressing and behavior,I'll keep watching also~ But back then there wasn't as many tbs as nowadays,so I don't recall seeing any tbs older than me that time~

You're beautiful

2011-02-13T14:06:00.002+08:00

You're beautiful-James Blunt

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,(Real version)
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/james-blunt-lyrics/you_re-beautiful-lyrics.html ]
Flying high,(clean version)
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Happy Valentine's

hl's dream

2011-02-09T00:31:00.006+08:00

Someone had a dreamed just now and told me bout it!
To increase the fun and me being lazy,I copy and paste the conversation as below~

HL 12:02:29 AM
hl hungry
HL 12:02:35 AM
hl buy mcd nugget
HL 12:02:45 AM
hl walk and hl eat nugget
HL 12:02:54 AM
then hl saw one family of COW
HL 12:03:04 AM
papa cow mama cow and baby cow
HL 12:03:10 AM
yellow colour mia COW
HL 12:03:34 AM
baby cow turn head and see hl, and hl hand mia NUGGET
HL 12:03:37 AM
=.=''
HL 12:03:57 AM
baby cow run to hl, hl scare, hl throw hand nugget far far
HL 12:04:06 AM
baby cow go to the nugget far far
HL 12:04:36 AM
after eating that piece, baby cow fa xian, hl still got one box in hand
HL 12:04:52 AM
so the stupid yellow baby cow RUN to hl again
HL 12:04:56 AM
haiyo macam dog
HL 12:05:13 AM
ou no~ hl run~~~
HL 12:05:19 AM
cow chase hl~~
HL 12:05:37 AM
hl see one blue colour wira
HL 12:05:49 AM
hl jumped on the 车顶
HL 12:06:27 AM
mana tau the baby cow macam dog, pokk come, bang hl down from car~
HL 12:06:29 AM
hl fall
HL 12:06:47 AM
fall use hand to 挡and push the cow
HL 12:06:50 AM
cow oso fall
HL 12:07:06 AM
hl think hl hurt the cow and feeling guilty
HL 12:07:21 AM
next day buy one big box of chicken nugget go visit baby cow
HL 12:07:31 AM
but cannot find the cow liao~
HL 12:07:33 AM
the end

NO NO that's not it,there's more~

HL 12:08:18 AM
got sound effect mia BANGGGG!!!!

AND

HL 12:14:11 AM
duno this dream means wat
HL 12:14:30 AM
cow means cute but dangerous.
HL 12:14:48 AM
blue wira means can save me but save budao me.

WAIT,there's more!

HL 12:18:29 AM
the cow....aiyer....bang n kissed dao me

OK, THE END~~
*CLAP CLAP CLAP~~*
feel free to interpret this dream for poor HL that got KISSED by baby yellow cow~~

It's Tuzki Year!

2011-02-04T17:26:00.002+08:00

Happy Tuzki Year!
兔斯基年快乐！
兔斯基就是我很喜欢的那眼睛两条线的兔子！
邪住我的虎年走了走了，可爱的兔子来了来了~
兔年哦，要保持如小白兔的可爱善良，如玉兔的聪慧忠心，如Bugs Bunny的狡猾聪明，当然还有如Tuzki的慵懒古灵精怪~

还有就是，我很困很困....
起个庙在民宅旁边就是吵闹！不就起个地方来聚赌喝酒什么的吗？根本就不是敬拜神明的！那些怪叔叔，看着就讨厌！拿着顾庙的名义在庙外喝酒打麻将聚赌的！吵得我晚上睡不着，睡不够就会脾气很不好，脾气很不好就会想骂人，骂不到人就只好在这里骂骂了....

bird without wings and mustang without spirit

2011-01-11T10:45:00.002+08:00

What's a bird without wings?
what's a mustang without freedom?
Now la I feel like I'm a bird with broken wings and a mustang in captive.
Waited too long,and wth...
I ain't going to be happy to be here any longer.
These 2 groups of people ain't feeling what I'm feeling,they just don't understand each other,and I am so darn with communicate them both together.
Can I just do what I want?
I want my life back so frking badly.
And my leg is pulling me.

All is well

2010-12-30T01:07:00.004+08:00

It annoyed me when people judged me when they do not understand me well. Don't judge me if you do not know me enough. Know what? There aren't much people who really know me that well.
But I'm glad I have friends who will stand by me.

I was too desperate of wanting to have my life back. There's a Chinese saying you'll get more disappointment when you put too much hope on one thing. I really,really,don't want to stay in hospital again. Two months of living in hospital,I'm lucky that I didn't gone crazy. But the good thing about staying in hospital was,the pimples were gone~

Did I complain a lot and not being positive enough? Aha. You try staying 2 months in hospital,still not being able to walk after half a year,and now you realize something is wrong with your leg again,then you tell me am I complaining a lot. I feel offended because you were someone to me,yet didn't feel for what I'm feeling.

Hope tomorrow will be alright,and that I'll still can be at home and go as I planned.
Just have to prepare for the worst while believing all is well.

listener

2010-12-26T00:24:00.004+08:00

Why bother telling off our problems to others as it won't help in solving our problems or making our problems disappear?
It's true that expressing our emotions might not help in solving problems and I doubt catharsis really happens on everyone, but it does matters to the listeners. Hoping that telling off your problem will lighten your burden and share it with another person that you trusted.

I was never a good communicator or story teller. Not verbally. Probably I got worse by now.
I'm quiet and slow in respond.But I'm listening.I'm thinking.I'm here if you need me.

But I'm a person who won't go to others when I'm having problems.
Why? I'm just really not good at telling my story.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T02:01:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas?
Well it's just another day for me,nothing special.

Doctor said I'm able to drive a car,so I'll be having half of my life back soon!
Can't wait to go back,I miss my Milky,very much.Couldn't sleep thinking bout her last night,I'm thinking of bringing her back with me for CNY.Must find way to get rid of her car-sick......

Knee problem again. Just like last week. But it got better by itself after a couple of days. Worry whether it's the metal that causes swollen when I use too much strength trying to walk.

I do still think about you.
Just that I don't need to let you know anymore.
It doesn't matters.

遗憾

2010-12-09T05:39:00.002+08:00

人生总会有遗憾。
我有。
例如？
空手道的，那会是我一直的遗憾。其实可以不遗憾的。
还有呢？
2010年，有一半是空的。
遗憾？
I missed a chance of little bit of everything.
A chance of interning in a real company,
prom with my mates,
cognitive and forensic classes under ms.winnee,
to become a real Starbucks partner within 3 months.
You wouldn't understand what I felt unless you're me.
I might pretend that everythings ok,i'm fine,i'm glad that i'm going through it,
well,if i could choose,i would rather just have my busy 2010.
If this didn't happen,many things would be different.
Someone will remain single and someone will remain not available.
Anyway,i think i'd getting back something that i never expect i would.
gain or lost?
fair enough

俺很重要

2010-11-29T23:48:00.003+08:00

现在俺的心脏很小很小，开个email心里都会快休克。

天啊天啊，原来俺真的很重要，不过俺没想过俺原来这么重要。都乱七八糟了，能修补回去不？唉

这几天不是被人骂了就是被人训话了，看来俺得乖点当个力求上进的好青年，要自修要注意睡眠。

我被雷到了。。。

晚安

ZEE

2010-11-26T19:46:00.003+08:00

This is Zee,a fame tb model a now singer in Thailand. She's a English-Indonesia-Thai mix. 是不是越混就长得越好看？？？？

Title:Simple,but lonely, with Chinese subtitle.《简单但孤独》

Michie,now I can und~lalala~ The MV story's nice,that's what happened to many of TBs

Title:Had you ever love me 《曾经真的爱过我吗》

Title:《不爱就算了》

后宫佳丽三千咧......真是的.....don't you wish you're her????

Ah actually she's 165cm,looks tall though....气势强大啊...
天啊，最近在TTL群混太多了，都只看T了....

cute puppy eyes

2010-11-26T18:39:00.004+08:00

Me, sitting on sofa facing laptop.

Mimi, the family dog, came by my leg and stare at me with her puppy eyes (although she's 10 years old).

Me, notice the puppy eyes and say: 'Hi Mimi~'

Mimi, wags tail.

Me: 'zomok? want 'mom-mom' (eat) ah?'

Mimi, wags harder.

Me, pour 2 spoons of dog food into her bowl and mix with water.

Mimi, wags tail and show appreciation eyes, then eat her food.

After awhile, Mimi finished her food. Mimi came and stare at me again.

Me:'zomok ah? I just fed you wor~~'

Mimi, wags tail, turn her head and look at her snacks, then turn back stare at me again.

Me: 'Oh, you want eat that ah?'

Mimi, wags harder,jump at sofa,show exciting eyes.

Mama showed up and shout: 'MIMI! YOU JUST ATE! WANT KENA SPANK AH??!'

Mimi, got scared and look at mama, then look at her snacks, show sad and 'bu she de' eyes, then walk back into her cage......

HOW CUTE~~~

just married

2010-11-24T15:34:00.004+08:00

Someone got married. Groom very handsome and Bride very pretty. OK my bro got married~

That's all for now~ I'm so lazy~ wehee~

2010-10-26T02:05:00.004+08:00

It's 2am. I am doing nothing but I don't feel like sleeping. Check-up again tomorrow. At least both my legs can step on the floor now. I shall be grateful for this :)

脚踏实地的感觉真棒！

感恩哦！

各位奋战中的同志，请等我回来与你们一起奋斗！

little prince

2010-10-25T02:15:00.006+08:00

You know people grow up and people grow apart, friends come and go, how many friends of you now will still be in contact with you when you're 50? We know there are no such thing as BFF. There are people that I care but haven't spoken with for quite some time.

What do you see in 'Little Prince'?

We lost parts of ourselves when we were growing up. We thought we were unique,but when we grew up we realized we are just like anybody else.

在我们的成长过程中我们都以为自己是特殊的。直到长大后我们才发现原来自己和身边的人没什么两样，过着一样一日复一日的生活。那些小时候的梦想是那么的遥不可及。这世界也不如小时候想的那么简单善良，被坏人打枪不会有超人出现，正义与真理只是信仰，看不着摸不到。

I'm getting lazier at home.

我喜欢在家的感觉。可是我不喜欢每天不用工作不用做任何事只能呆在家的日子。

我的Milky两岁了。她在等着我回去。

自己的狗就是自己的狗，和看别人的狗不一样。人狗间一定有某种情感连接。

I took her back home when she was a puppy. Now she's two years old, a teenager in human age. I miss her and I'm sure she's waiting for me to walk her in evening.

Malaysia TVB

2010-10-21T22:39:00.004+08:00

When will we have true 1Malaysia?

When there's no more UMNO, no more MCA, no more MIC,but a party that defend the rights of Malaysian and human being.

Politics are more dramatic than TVB, politicians are comedians.

Teoh Beng Hock case is enough to make a good TVB drama~

何时才会有1Malaysia？

当巫统、马华、MIC不再单方面的维护自己的种族，而维护全人民和人类的时候。

难哉~~

政治是闹剧，人民是观众~

赵明福事件就比港剧吸引人了~

Example?

This is entertaining~

Now our handwriting specialist testified that some of chinese writing on Teoh Beng Hock's note was not clear whether it was came from same person =.=..

Miracle work of human

2010-10-14T23:42:00.005+08:00

Actually I wanted to blog about my stay in hospital. But then I saw this picture from somewhere.

Balian Buschbaum, a female-to-male transsexual and German pole vaulter.

Very successful transform isn't it? Look at his arms! Hairy and vein! You can see those vein!

After and Before

And those nice abs! He have those abs even when he's still she!

He looks good in who he is now. I can't stop staring at his photos! For more photos--> here

just some update

2010-09-26T01:41:00.002+08:00

I'm a little weirdo in my family,
i don't talk much,
So I think I'm losing my communication skills. lalalalalala
Xiao Ming, Yi Shin, Pei Sing, when are you guys coming to bring me out kai kai~?????

I have this diskman (a CD version of walkman,if anyone remember what's that) in my room that I used to listen every night for 5 years. And I have dozen of CD's in my cupboard, original and pirated, so I can make myself feel like a DJ in my little world.

I'm chubbier and my hair's longer now. Muscles of my half lower body got so soft until I can feel imbalance in my butt...WTH....my muscle shrink,my bone shrink.....and I might not be able to do sport that I like anymore...If you understand how it feels...I feel lazier each day at home, slack slack slack, don't feel like working on my thesis anymore la.... being at home makes me lazy and unmotivated...hard to work on my thesis when I'm so far away from my participants ah....

大难不死必有后福
后福还没到
精神上已奄奄一息

坏了

2010-09-19T16:21:00.001+08:00

都坏了一年了
是时候真的不再联络了
每次都是如此，
不是吗？
只是这次时间比较长了些，
把一切都删除，
记忆也会慢慢不见，
坏了就该淘汰。

寂寞寂寞就好

2010-09-14T00:24:00.003+08:00

忙到不能再忙
痛到不能再痛
死不了就还好
寂寞寂寞就好
重新寻找孤独
就不再寂寞了

好像都是田小姐的新歌里面出现的字眼。
田小姐名字怎么念啊???好多笔画我不会念。

发现原来如果一个人在乎你，
是不会让你担心她一整夜。
会让你担心一整夜的，
不值得。不应该了。

为了停止憧憬
再次狠心不再联络
反正田小姐说的
jimo jimo then OK

不再联络

2010-09-03T01:24:00.005+08:00

习惯天气反反复覆
像我们说不出分到什么程度
这一种和睦相处
反而感觉孤独不拥抱不冲突

一步一步等谁先淡出
现阶段用好朋友的方式
若无其事也会打招呼
可是心已经死得像植物

就连不爱都那么辛苦
像干了又湿的衣服
被记忆的高温闷住不舒服
再见都吞吞吐吐
狠心不再联络似乎
是该寻找最后的出路

习惯天气反反复覆
像我们说不出分到什么程度
这一种和睦相处
反而感觉孤独不拥抱不冲突

一步一步等谁先淡出
现阶段用好朋友的方式
若无其事也会打招呼
可是心已经死得像植物
想听歌,就上MP3音乐网=> www.93MP3.com
就连不爱都那么辛苦
像干了又湿的衣服
被记忆的高温闷住不舒服
再见都吞吞吐吐
狠心不再联络似乎
是该寻找最后的出路
Oh 出路~

Oh 唯一的出路
唯一的出路

电话号码删除了又删除，

却从脑海里删除不掉。

恋人未满的关系，

一直都是。

过去的偏爱

2010-09-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

Many times,we see what we want to see.

Blinded by anger, jealousy, fear, sorrow;

Unconsciously making the wound bigger and deeper.

过去那段情那段记忆都被遗弃，

只有一个人的不释怀。

可笑？罢了？

反正世界不会因为你的情绪而停止转动或反方向转动。

内心世界，是影响不到外面世界。

Reality makes me sad.

So I sad for a while.

Just a while longer.

books

2010-08-30T16:50:00.004+08:00

I regret buying these books from roadside,they don't smell like a book suppose to smell, which is one of the reasons I love books. These were photocopies books on cheap quality papers. I like the smell of books! The smell of old papers, the smell of knowledge! And these don't have the smell of books that they suppose to have.

Anyway,I'd finish 'The art of racing in the rain'. Great story! Understand what life suppose to be from a dog's perspective. The car goes where the eyes go.

HL said I'm losing my communication skills, which I think she was right. Having almost none social life, 'locked up' in hospital for months, now I even feel lazy to talk to nurses. I'd spent my summer holiday in hospital T.T

I'd missed events and activities in college, I miss my gangs, and I'm going to miss my classes!

Oh well...

Here are some of the things that I find joy in hospital, other than some cute nurses~

Mom bought these cute little bear biscuits from the hospital cafeteria~ But too bad now it's out of stock, no more little bear biscuits anymore :(

And yeah, they got Wifi available here,line is a bit slow sometimes,but better than none~

志同道合

2010-08-22T23:05:00.003+08:00

我喜欢和志同道合的人做朋友。

我说的志同道合，是同道中人，也是志向相同的人。

Malcolm Gladwell的里说social channel capacity,

一个人拥有真正好朋友的数目大概是10到15个里面，

因为真正的好朋友需要花时间、精力去经营，

太多好朋友会耗尽自己的精力。

我做过的一份性格分析里说我是极度introvert，

所以我的好朋友数目比常人少，不会奇怪吧。

我喜欢和志同道合的人做朋友。

前几天，我们讨论未来和伴侣的日子。

朋友说放工回家后和自己的伴在属于自己的家做饭吃，

那是她向往的稳定生活。

我说如此稳定的生活和伴侣携手到老，

是我们人生最大的目标。

当超人，当浪者，当大侠，是小时候的梦想。

长大一些，发现小时候的梦想是看太多卡通、漫画的结果，

所以把比较实际一点的环游世界当成梦想。

再长大一些，发现钱很重要。环游世界，我不是金锁匙出世的孩子，要自己打拼。

再长大一些些，能和自己相爱的人有未来的生活，是现在的梦想。

用文字交心的朋友，很铁。

那些茉莉花树系列的文字，

仿佛昨日才刚过目。

考SPM前的那些晚上，

不看书，某人和我一起晃天涯看《蓝山》。

乱乱中英直接翻译，很好玩。

突然感性一下~

被叫小狼好多年了~

喉咙痛

throat pain

burning throat

好啦，sore throat.

纯粹无聊

2010-08-22T22:12:00.002+08:00

如果我还能对你坦诚以对，

如果你也还能对我坦诚以对，

那我们会怎样？

已经没有再度的无奈或自怨自艾，

也没有去想未来，

现在好像有点回到当初，又好像很普通。

如果我能对你说心里话，

你是不是一样不会对我说你的心里话呢？

今夜星光很闪耀，

小狼在房很无聊。

在病房怎么知道星光闪耀呢？

我乱说的。

你看，都说我无聊了咯。

无聊到挖兄弟的旧故事来看~

‘如果有天我遇到一个心仪的对象

向他表白时
我会不会说，
我对你的爱
就像癌细胞的生长酱
在最短的时间内
扩散到全身.......至死不渝!!!!!’

出自？这里

嘿嘿~

医生护士

2010-08-21T00:06:00.002+08:00

我现在的主治医生很搞笑，很喜欢叫人家看我脚一个洞的骨头。

叫护士小姐看，叫我爸爸妈妈看，也叫我看，可是我不看。

我得承认我有晕血，是家族遗传，因为妈妈说爸爸哥哥都怕看血腥场面，嘿嘿怪DNA。

我觉得槟城的医院很酷，都说福建，印度护士医生也说福建。因为有很多这里的aunty uncle只听懂福建。

我的医生更酷，是很出名的骨科医生，很年轻很亲切友善，没有大医生架子，会开护士玩笑，会跟病人聊天。

医生越是厉害的越是忙，一个星期七天都要在病人面前露面。Great power comes with great responsibility,but also great money.

我住院住得很郁闷了，希望把下辈子要住院的现在都住住去。

这楼没有漂亮护士，之前住的那楼很多漂亮护士和喜欢kacau我的kakak护士和印度aunty护士。

要开课了，不知道要不要延迟毕业，不拿下个semester。

我很烦。

Dr.Teng

2010-08-13T18:46:00.002+08:00

感谢曾经让我不是一个人，

可我却经常让她一个人。

现在有两个人不再是一个人了，

恭喜恭喜哈

发烧很不好，

fever fever go away

之前我会看着我的脚，

跟它说：

‘快点好起来啦’

然后妈妈会附和说：

‘细菌细菌快点跑开’

有个头很大的牛奶说，

可以叫她Dr.Teng了，

终于~

所以规定要我在这里写写下，

让她syok syok下~

恭喜恭喜哈,Dr.Teng~

我要回家

2010-08-09T17:54:00.002+08:00

在医院呆了差不多一个月。断断续续的住院，总共住了多少天我也不记得了。

原来保险真的是很必要的东西，我的脚很贵很贵。

骨折是还好，细菌感染是大件事。

被撞后的看到自己的脚变形，骨折真的很痛，小朋友没事不要乱试。

我哭过，脚痛到哭。不过不是骨头断掉的时候哭，那时候是痛到没有时间哭，只想着如何不要那么痛。

我哭过，担心自己几时才可以自己冲凉、上厕所、拿东西，几时才重新走路。

我哭过，看着身边的人无微不至、日夜操劳的照顾我，我很内疚。

我哭过，虽然我不是好动之人，但是我还是喜欢运动的人。以后很有可能不能再做我喜欢的运动了。

我会想我会不会有阴影，还敢不敢骑摩多。

这个意外来得很突然，原本规划好会很忙的假期，现在被迫停止一切。

不过我觉得这意外是我命中注定会有的劫数，是福不是祸，是祸躲不过。

我想回家了啦，可以吗?

2010-07-05T16:38:00.003+08:00

如果之前的是无能为力、无可奈何，

现在的是不知所措、无言以对。

你要我如何面对你？

impact from psy312

2010-07-01T13:51:00.003+08:00

Many of the times, we focus too much of our time and emotions on ourselves. We neglected what's happening in the world, what's happening around us because we are too busy taking care of our emotions. "He doesn't care bout me anymore" "She doesn't love me after all" "Why I'm the one who always got hurt?" "I'm so darn stress" "I'm not good enough" "I'm so hurt inside,nobody can understand what I'm feeling", sounds like one of your inner thoughts? Well, it's normal, you'r not selfish or egocentric. You do need time to be with yourself,but having those negative thoughts is stopping yourself from moving forward. You're holding yourself back. Now, who can help you? Yourself.

There are people suffering on street everyday,you'll notice this if you spend a little time observing what's going on in your surrounding while you'r on the streets. Injustice in the community, homeless people on the street, issues that have been hidden by governments, communities that were marginalized and living in poor condition, poverty. Why are there people still living in poverty while technology are advancing and life quality of certain people are improving?

Of course you can't change all of this by yourself, but you as part of the human being will be able to contribute to the changes, even a minor one will do. Be involve when there's good work. Transfer your focus from the inner self to the outside world. You'll find yourself become less pathetic and more energetic.

PSY312 Youth works and services is a course that I'm taking this semester. Being expose to topics that go beyond our comfortable zone, what is human right, what is voluntary works really challenge our thinking. There are good people doing good causes and fighting for various of rights out there, there is hope~

x-ray

2010-06-24T20:10:00.002+08:00

That's what happened to my right leg. How I feel? lalalalala... to be continue

rest

2010-06-24T15:39:00.002+08:00

才刚开始忙碌的日子不久，就被逼暂时停下来一切歇息歇息了，哎哟喂~~
事实证明，骑车切忌心情烦躁，不然自食其果。

I like working in Starbucks. It's a good working and learning place. The people, the experience, the learning, the Third Place. Now I know why many Starbucks partners like to slack in the store after work. It's not just a working place, it's the Second and Third Place.
But too bad now I have to stop everything, from busiest life ever to can't-do-anything life,it's a huge transition, but I want to get well soon, recover faster, so have to be optimistic.

Have to thanks my friends for visiting me and helping me~~
Thanks Xiao Zhu, Xiao Zhu mama and ah ma's fish porridge~~

Yawn~keep feeling sleepy whole day...Yawn~~~

spend money buy happy 2

2010-05-16T03:39:00.007+08:00

Today I went Pipit Wonderful Market at Central Market because Lois Loo of Wonderkitten was having a booth there. That place was full of handmade arts, people, and people with arts! Trully 'water leak not pass' （水泄不通）human traffic jam! Many artists at their booths showing their creative arts and hard work. Although artworks there were quite expensive, should support if can la! Also, that place was full of people with camera! I was too shy to take pictures with my K770i phone, so I got no picture of the crowd and the arts to show. But I can show you this!

Wonderkitten's 'Stop chasing,start enjoying' postcard'. There was meaning behind this set of postcard. Everyday we'd been busy doing something,chasing something,but put down the mask that we usually wore each day,what are we chasing,actually? And see, the masked T-Rex is so cute! Reminded me of Digimon that T-rex Greymon. Ah, I should have buy the limited keychain and handphone string too......

Then,there's a flea book sales at KL central monorail with 'buy 5 free 1' board. So me and Small Black went crazy and bought books again -_-'
'

Gahh...I'm broke. I shall eat 'Kong Piah' for the next whole week.

My Milky refused to eat after I went back kampung and made herself thinner ever than before... Now you can see her ribs and pelvis (if that bone part terminology is the same like human's) clearly from far. Garh...'sam tong' die me lor...... So I'll have to spend money and make her happy and gain back her fat again -_-''

My dog refuse to eat when I'm not around. Although I'm not sure of the reason she refused to eat (depress because nobody walked her and let her loose from her chain?Or miss me too much so she got no appetite?Or she doesn't like her food?), but who would starve herself for not seeing me other than my Milky? Oh Milky Milky I love you~~

fight

2010-05-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

We are minority,
fighting against the world and ourselves.
First, we must win ourselves,
then come the chance to win the world.
Do you have the courage to fight yourself?
If you don't,
you'll never win this game.
Lost yourself,
live in the world of others,
and play the game like others.

《一个人又怎么样》转载自MOCHA日记

我可以
一个人吃饭；
一个人睡觉；
一个人逛街；
一个人游戏；
一个人上班；
一个人回家；
一个人发呆；
一个人思考；
一个人欣赏路过的风景；
一个人遗憾错过的精彩；
一个人读着别人的故事；
一个人打发无聊的时间；
一个人赶走寂寞的侵袭；
一个人抵挡北风的严寒；
一个人在跌倒后站起来拍拍身上的灰尘；
一个人在受伤后躲起来默默治疗心的创伤；
一个人在繁华的都市里找回迷失的自己；
一个人在残酷的现实里伪装保护着自己...............

所以

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易插足我的旅程，我很容易感动，很容易满足，也许你不经意对我的好我都会一直记得，也许会因为你不在意的举动会伤心很久；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易进入我的世界，我不会坚强，不会防备，你说的每句话我都会相信，我能给你的就是绝对的信任；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易跨进我的国度，我会固执，会小气，
我很珍惜每个进来的人，就算碰得头破血流我也不会轻易放手，我不想留给自己太多遗憾......等待那个人我投入的会是我全部的真心

祝福

2010-05-01T05:57:00.002+08:00

刚刚看着曾经很喜欢很喜欢，那个被我称为天使的女孩，在国外留学的照。女孩隐隐约约透出了女人味，很快女孩就变成女人了。

我还记得，当她说傻话然后吐舌头的样子，可爱得让我心溶化。这女孩傻傻又糊里糊涂的，每天丢三漏四的，三天内不见两架电话的记录，谁可以破？我们曾经担心她转机时会不会转一次机就丢一个行李，到目的地的时候已经两手空空，呵呵。

看她与男朋友的照片，心里很平静，没有丝毫涟漪。我们曾经是室友，曾经每天早上把她水瓶洗干净然后装满水，曾经把送她的路边花和巧克力放在信箱里，曾经很喜欢她的味道，曾经在下雨天拿着雨伞想要去车站接她结果接不到变落汤鸡，曾经还没表白就在车站被拒绝忍着眼泪自己回家，曾经闹到很僵很僵都不说话。现在有的只是祝福。或许几年后参加她的婚礼，也只会有祝福。

时过境迁，日新月异，物是人非。
会不会有一天当我看另一个女孩的照片时，心里不再是疼痛，而是祝福呢？

我其实没有很好。
我不是很喜欢我自己。

说

2010-05-01T04:35:00.002+08:00

Last time I thought communication is very important between a couple. Now I realized,maybe I was wrong. Sometimes keeping your negative emotion to yourself is better than telling it off to your partner. You might think that telling your feelings will help to let your partner understand what you want,but how your partner interpret the message may be opposite of what you wish.

以前我总认为，沟通很重要，尤其是在一起的两个人。现在忽然觉得，其实不然。有些自己心里的感受，说出来了只会让事情变得更糟糕。以为说出来后让对方了解自己想要什么，可对方或许听了你的感受之后，做出了与你想要的相反决定，结果弄巧反拙，事与愿违。

有时候我又觉得，不必要把自己不开心的负面情绪拿出来渲染给朋友。可有些朋友却会觉得你没把他放在心里，有事怎么不告诉他一起分担，不够朋友。

该说的不说，不该说的就说。什么该说，什么不该说？

或许我还在为去年十月而感到遗憾与自责，或许我还在为那段感情而哀悼，或许我还很想她。我睡不着。或许是因为那两个月就快一周年了，一直在倒数。

我怎么学不会，
淡定。

阿牛-初恋红豆冰

2010-04-25T04:20:00.003+08:00

《初恋红豆冰》 ‘Ice Kacang Puppy Love’
谁还没有看的要去看哈~~
Who haven't watch must watch in cinema~
品质良好，故事很好，演员很好，总之就是很好啦~~
This is one local production that will be out of your expectation~
话说阿牛是我的学长~虽然我没亲眼见过他~~虽然他大我十四届~~学长万岁~~
Ah niu is my high school senior,although i never meet him before,although he's 14 years earlier batch than me~~
李心洁妈妈很漂亮~~梁静茹很可爱~~
最近很迷阿牛了~听了好多天阿牛的旧歌，好难找哦~~

爱我久久-阿牛

担心你为我爱阮而放弃了自已
心疼你思念阮而在深夜里哭泣
希望我能在你的身边为你擦乾泪湿的眼
孤单是我给你的伤害
让我吻一吻你的脸

你是我最简单的快乐也让我最彻底的哭泣
我要用什么来说爱你只怕我会让你更伤心

喜欢你在乎的表情尤其是吃醋的样子
你说会爱我很久很久那时最温柔的事
喜欢坐摩托的时候轻轻靠在你的背后
让风吹乱你的秀发拂去我所有哀愁

It's just a part of the life

2010-04-12T13:23:00.005+08:00

如果以前有人对我说这圈子很乱，
我会说‘会吗？’。至少我自己的圈子不乱。
抽烟、酗酒、乱搞、整天喊寂寞的朋友很少，可以说是没有，
顶多只有见色忘友，失恋找你诉苦有爱人就不见人影的家伙。
我很喜欢我圈子的干净，
我不抽烟不喜欢烟酒之地，
我想让父母知道我没学坏，我只是喜欢女孩。
有些圈子是很乱，听朋友说来的乱，我很不理解，为什么能这么乱。
所以我很喜欢我干净的圈子，也安然于我自己的圈子。
何必跳出去看外面的世界有多乱呢？
It's just a matter of will.

有些事情没有亲身经历过是不会理解的。
例如没有跌倒过的小孩会是不会知道流血是会痛的，
再例如没有失恋过的人不会知道心是真的会痛的。
It's just a part of the life.

或许我们都经历过/正在经历/将会经历同样的事情，
到了某年龄阶段才发现一切都不是那么的重要。
什么事都看得太重是年青人的特性。
也好，没有经历过是不会成长的。
It's just a matter of time.

咕噜咕噜

2010-04-08T03:35:00.002+08:00

夜太黑，
就会有只想活在虚拟世界的念头。
想像自己就是某某故事里的某某，
融入角色故事情节，
逃离现实。

肚子还是会饿的
咕噜咕噜了
睡觉解决。

怕吓到人，就假假说自己很有写歌词/语文天分，快点称赞我吧快点称赞我吧。
演示得好假嘛都。
我喜欢说话打字文法都倒过来，乱七八糟，我就喜欢，你能咋~

三个字

2010-04-01T02:01:00.007+08:00

说三个字，自然而然想到‘我爱你’ （不会只是我这样想吧？），不过现在我觉得‘我疯你’ 比 ’我爱你’ 更有感觉更严重。都疯了还不严重哈？

小猪演唱版的我疯你

原唱：伍家辉

*风在脸上轻拂
味道有点苦
怎不说情话
你不爱我吗

想让你有自由
却把心弄丢
你不爱我吧
结果多说都是假*

我疯你你让我说得太多
我疯你你让我错得太多
我疯你你让我做得太多

我疯你别让我获得太多
我疯你别让我失去太多

repeat *

#我疯你别让我说得太多
我疯你别让我错得太多
我疯你别让我做得太多

我疯你别让我获得太多
我疯你会让我失去太多#

repeat #

是不是鸡皮疙瘩都起来了咧？小猪几时要开演唱会~~~？
我要upload上YouTube~~

情何以堪

2010-03-29T03:28:00.002+08:00

天不老，情难绝，心似双丝网，中有千千结

深知身在情长在，怅望江头江水声

今夕何夕，见此良人

青烟师父赠

It's here again!

2010-03-26T16:33:00.004+08:00

It's here again!!!
What is it???
Earth Hour!!

And another thing is here also!!
what is it??
FrequenC concert!!

Aiya tomorrow Earth Hour+FrequenC concert leh, how??
OKla I'll switch off everything of my room before I went out. Earth hour 7-10pm, yay~
Will FrequenC be earth hour? Cannot lor,later all audience hot die,singers cannot sing,bands cannot perform,everyone faint~~XD
Yay Xiao Zhu add oil~~I'm your fans~XD

长大，兄弟

2010-03-25T02:49:00.005+08:00

当我们都长大后，是不是都意味着会失去某些东西？
比如说，友情？
工作了的，就是大人；
还在读书的，就是小孩。
以前你们都管我叫老小孩，
现在大家都叫我小屁孩，
其实我觉得小屁孩比老小孩轻松得多，
虽然或许小屁孩只是个掩饰，
又或许不是。
曾经的彻夜不眠聊至天亮，
我还可以，因为我还是小屁孩，
只是有些朋友，已经是大人了。
其实我一直都很在意，
那么多年的相识还能让你觉得我不在意，
我无话可说。
一只猫，一个女人。哈，笑话。
这个刺在心里永远都去不了。
离着，却还好；近了，却远了。
So near,yet so far.
曾经还幻想以后三个人三个家，
每天晚上轮流蹭饭吃，
原来是我太天真，
还不知道真的没有永远的兄弟这东西。
你累了，我也累了，
误会也好，再说就更伤感情。
道不同，不相为谋。

Last love letter

2010-03-21T16:02:00.003+08:00

I remember what you wore on our first day

A clover shirt and a pair long jean

With your baby blue spec and a big gray bag

I remember what I wore on our first day

A blue checker shirt and a pair long jeans

With nothing else except me and my heart

I bought you a Starbuck coffee my ever first time

We sat down and have a little talk

In a place we met every time afterward

A place called central of anywhere

A place reminded me of you every time

Hey baby this will be the last love letter

For you

They said life is short

And I shouldn't keep looking back

Crying for you

Hey baby this will be the last love letter

For you

And I know you'd moved on

But I'm still lagging on

Thinking of you

Oh baby

This is the last love letter

I'll write for you

Even if I never say it out

You know I loved you I missed you

And you know I still am

But I'm moving on

I have to move on

my gifts

2010-03-20T03:29:00.004+08:00

My 21st birthday present~

Husky tumbler from Taiwan~Thanks Ah Phi~~

See my gift from heaven: Milky~so big already~

but still so skinny....trying to make her eat more...

and still camera-shy~~

Milky when I first brought her back~almost 1 and half years ago~

《出柜的一百种心情》

2010-03-17T05:30:00.003+08:00

在我想那旧报纸拣狗便便的时候偶然发现，在去年的圣诞节那段时间《星洲日报》刊登了一系列关于同性恋的访问报道和文章，其中包括了欧阳文风的专访，还有一些列的出柜投稿。当然报纸不是我的，我没买报纸啊，错过了那些文章，只有12月23日的。然后我刚google了那系列的投稿文章，就找到了几篇。其中，我还是最喜欢这篇现在贴在我房间里的这篇：

[大豆，你还好吗？

我的一些女同志朋友都是在中学认识的。毕业以后，她们有的已经开始接受男生的追求，幸福的走在一起；有的却还是原地打转。偶尔我还会和那班朋友一起叙叙旧。同志自然也有她们精彩的故事，可是往往结局都是可悲的。

大豆以前在我们学校是一个即前卫又亮眼的女同志，她的打扮一直都很男性化可是很可爱，所以我们很乐意和她混在一起。高中一那年她在补习班认识了一位双眼炯炯发亮的阳光女孩。大豆用了半年的时间展开热情的追求后，她们就在一块儿了。起初她们俩约会时总要一大班人一起出去才不会怕别人投以异样的眼眶。那个时候，我们还很天真，乐得祝福她们要永远幸福快乐。

在她们甜蜜的恋爱期间，大豆对伴侣的体贴总是羡煞旁人。后来大豆终于鼓起勇气和那个女孩单独约会。不再理会旁人眼光，小俩口幸福地手牵手，先不去想未来会怎样。一直到高中毕业前，她们的感情都很稳定，为彼此留下了不少的美好回忆，大家都相信这份真感情。毕业以后，她们俩不再朝夕相对，可是还是很珍惜对方。大豆的亲戚们开始问她何时会带男朋友回来介绍，大豆认真思考了很久。

大豆的父母日夜开档卖面，所以那为女孩常来大豆家陪她，他们也不足为奇。大豆以为她的父母渐渐可以接受这为几乎每天见面的密友，于是在某个夜晚大豆向父母坦诚她和那为女生的关系，并希望他们可以接受她们。大豆的母亲立刻泪洒满脸，她的父亲气得把大豆软禁起来，连电话线也切断了，不让她再和那为女生联络。我们这班好友也爱莫能助。过了几天，大豆偷偷用父亲的手提电话打给那个女生，怎知她哭着和大豆说她的父母也知道了她们交往的事情，她不想让父母伤心于是和大豆说再见。大豆为她憧憬已久的爱情逝去而哭了整整一个月。不久，她就被送到国外留学了，我们就不再联络。至今没有人知道她过着怎么样的生活。

现在当我问起异性恋朋友对同性恋的看法，他们都会理智回答：‘我不反对同性恋行为，但也不鼓励。’如果你继续问若是将来你的孩子是同志，你能接受吗？十个有八个是支支吾吾的。其实一般人都还没有打从心底愿意放下对同性恋的偏见，只一味抱着“只要不发生在我身上，我是很宽容的”心态。只是身为父母亲的，孩子究竟是你亲生的，连父母都不接受孩子的选择的时候，同性恋者连最基本的尊严都失去了。

大豆，你还好吗？]

出柜的一百种心情

出柜的一百种心情：给自己的一封信

出柜的一百种心情：复杂的心情

出柜的一百种心情：我是同性恋

落寞

2010-03-13T15:54:00.002+08:00

负面情绪一直都在，感觉不想说话，就把自己关在方格里，结果感觉更落寞，活该了吧。

昨晚我妈用手机打了封sms给我，用英文的，写得一顿一顿的，多可爱啊。终于让我开心了一下。

喂

2010-03-12T23:08:00.003+08:00

什么时候开始，连跟自家人出去吃个饭也觉得只是个应酬？

当不开心的时候，我会早早睡觉，想要把不开心的一天睡过去。可是并不是每次都能成功，就像今天。

生日很不快乐，很多原因，就连我自己也不清楚的原因。

今天，我是应该回家的。

21

2010-03-12T02:45:00.003+08:00

我很容易回想过去，虽然说做人要往前看，旧事不要提。可去年里大家里有你，那曾经的每一天都有。

我21岁咯。

发现如果憋着心里的话不说，过了一下下，情绪过了后就可以继续打压下去。

我也不知道我有没有长大了些，或是更小孩子气了。

祝小猪生日快乐。

老人与狗

2010-03-09T00:59:00.004+08:00

我觉得我狗像我女人，又像我孩子，多可爱啊~
刚才它睡的迷迷糊糊被我叫醒，跟着我走到它窝的范围，我想铨它起来链不够长，就拉它向前，结果它一头撞进我胸口，干脆把头埋在我胸口撒娇让我摸摸它。多可爱呢~？
最近用Dettol水跟它冲凉，味道很好闻，狗身上的味道加dettol味~好想带它进房跟我一起睡觉呢~

在学校打球时差不多每次都会有一个老伯伯带着一只黑色老拉不拉多散布，有时候没绑着那狗也就乖乖跟在身边不会乱跑。老狗都乖啊~我也想这样的狗呢~Milky听话些就好啊~

我想以后老时如果是一个人，就养狗相伴，黄昏时就跟现在一样带着去散布，多惬意~

Milky游泳记 (Land dog vs. Water dog)

2010-03-07T16:55:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I brought my dog for a swimming lesson! Ok actually it was Wendy, Alicia Kee the Husky's manager who brought us. With a bunch of people and dogs. Where we went? Kota Kubu Bharu, 1 hour plus plus distance from the city.

If you don't know,Milky Chang got carsick. 30 Minutes distance is still consider OK, but 1 hour distance! At the beginning of the journey, she was still quite ok,jumped here and there in the car,and try to made friend with Alicia Kee and Wendy Kee~

But after awhile, her saliva kept coming out,which means she started to feel sick liao. So I have to comfort here, made her look me in the eyes, and suddenly she had this funny looking face as if she was smiling! But that wasn't smiling face, it was 'I-feel-very-sick-I-want-to-vomit' face! But it was too late for me to realize that, and before I could do anything, she vomited her last dinner out in the car -.-'' Gross, I know. But she's my dog and it's not my car,so I have to clean up, or at least try to clean up. Then she vomited second time! Wendy said 'faster give her plastic bag!' and i said 'too late -.-''' I'm very very very paiseh bout this lo Wendy Kee~~Next time we go near near place,dun go far far place liao~ hehe,if still got next time~

After Milky got nothing more to vomit, we also reach there after 1 and half hour. Milky never swim before,so I thought although she hates bathing,maybe she'll like swimming~All dogs know how to swim instinctively~ But I was wrong!I brought her down water myself, but she kept cling on me and wouldn't let go her paws! I never knew dogs can hug someone like that~! So ok fine, she don't like water. We spent so much time to get there and she refuse to swim -.-'' Some more vomited in friend's car, WTH~ Ok lo at least now I know that my Milky is land dog,not water dog.

Conclusion of the day: Alicia Kee is a water dog,not snow dog. Milky Chang is a land dog.

昨天带我狗去游泳，结果它在朋友车吐了两次，到了却死硬不肯下水。我把它抱下水，它爪子硬是抓着我肩膀不放！那姿势多奇怪啊，虽然是在水里，就好像有个人死命抱着我呢~

路途多崎岖带它去玩水游泳，结果要它下水好像要它命，郁闷死我~~~或许它也很郁闷吧，它都没说喜欢水，主人却硬是把它拐来，又是晕车又是水的，瞎折腾。

回家后，一人一狗累得无精打采一整天，趴着睡了一整天。

那个哈士奇爱莉沙是美女~在水中姿势优美的游来游去~Milky为啥你就不能学学人家呢~~~

己所不欲，勿施于人

2010-03-02T19:36:00.002+08:00

己所不欲，勿施于人。
这言语大家小学就学过。
那时侯年幼，只把它意会为自己不要的东西不要丢给其他人，再简单一点就是不要送垃圾给人家。现在长大后，明白了这句言语的用意范围是很广的。例如呢？在别人面前批评别人是一个不好的行为。我相信大家都不愿意在背后被人家批评不是，所以我很不喜欢有些人一直指责谁谁谁东西做不好，可是其实自己也曾经犯过同样的错。

如果不想自己在自己不知道的情况下被别人批评，请不要一直批评他人。When you're pointing finger at someone,the other 4 fingers are pointing at yourself. Or at least 3 fingers are pointing at yourself.

又例如，同一屋檐下同一条上网线。很多青少年看戏都是用PPS，尤其是在外地工作或者读书的青年人，没电视机，stream PPS或download来看戏可以省钱买dvd，又快又可以存下来。或许很多人不知道PPS是P2P(Peer-to-Peer) software,运作方式跟用bitcomet或讯雷下载(download)同一个道理；又或许是觉得自己每个月也有分给，可是自己在家时间那么短，所以无论自己在不在家时都开着PPS或者download着戏。一间家里一个人这样两个人这样大家都这样的话我想不会有很大conflict，因为大家都在做同样一件坏事，不能指责他人，只能够看谁厉害抢占最大线咯。
可怜的就只剩下家里那个傻仔坚定的认为不可以那么自私，不可以在家里有人的时候占线不然人家的线会很慢，而一直没有download没有用PPS，家里的线给别人霸完了，有线等于没线，开个网页比等乌龟放屁更加久，要做assignment的话要跑去学校做因为学校的线比家里快。你说他是不是很可怜咧？就因为他觉得己所不欲，勿施于人。

说明我不是那个傻仔，因为我会偷偷拔人家的LAN cable，当然先前会先假装抱怨线一直很慢警告。你要用我不用用咩？你给钱我没有给钱咩？你不在家我整天在家啊？自私鬼。

当然我现在也在指责他人。我也做过错事也曾经没顾虑过别人感受。所以现在我觉悟的呼唤大家请己所不欲，勿施于人~ 不要自己一时的方便而造成别人的不便。不然我咒你便秘！

欢迎对号入座~然后希望你觉悟~

月亮圆

2010-03-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

今天元宵节，十五夜。
月亮好圆好大好亮，盯住月亮半分钟，仿佛可以看到吴刚玉兔月亮美女。
看月亮，想你了，就哭了。

抱佛脚

2010-02-28T20:03:00.002+08:00

接下来的日子，尤其是即将来临的这个星期呢，小狼会装很忙。忙什么呢？忙抱佛脚。很多佛的脚要抱呢~
拜二要见‘女阎王’ ，拜五要向‘如来’交差，拜二、拜四还要应战‘菩萨’跟‘灶神’呢。
抱佛脚的代价我很清楚呢~所以我已经做好准备好长期抗战~
等下就要看两课的书，然后写作文~这种情况要持续一整个星期~
咖啡因在我体内作祟，亢奋得胡言乱语的不是我~
其实我昨晚喝的是薄荷茶~到现在还有效呢~我的抗咖啡因能力又降低了。

胡乱影评

2010-02-27T18:25:00.003+08:00

Yesterday went to Cineleisure intended to watch 'Percy Jackson the Lightning Thief' but was too late so end up watching '14 Blade'. Why called it 14 Blades? Based on this movie English title, at first I thought this movie will be about 14 people with their blade, one person per blade. But actually there was only 1 man, does he really had 14 blades? I do not know, because all the blades were inside a rectangular box, small blades and long blades. As I can remember, I only saw 3 long blades and don't know how many small blades. Nice movie overall, better than my expectation.

昨日看的《锦衣卫》，很不错啊，看电影好像在看小说，剧本写的跟小说一样，拍摄出来也像小说那样仔细，我喜欢呢~ 有些武打细节很棒，如锁琵琶骨、挑断手筋、脱脱轻盈的身段，喜欢看武打小说的人会很喜欢~

演员也选得很对啦，赵薇的特色就是大眼睛嘛。整部戏她最多的戏码就是眼睛水汪汪，眼泪要掉不掉的。不过我发现她好像睡眠不足，眼睛有红丝呢~
吴尊就是拿来吸引fans捧场的，故意隐隐约约的露腹肌色诱fans捧场。不过身材是很俊腹肌很好看。他那沙漠判官的角色，每次出场都喊‘飞鹰帮杀到’我就觉得出现在小说里就还好，出现在电影里就很搞笑。英雄重英雄，很有义气的角色呢。
甄子丹也露身材，不过吴尊是俊，甄子丹就属于特男人的身体。武打动作当然很棒咯。
我喜欢徐子珊呢~美女一个~我觉得她演的脱脱比青龙更厉害，杀了判官还能杀青龙。不过青龙跟脱脱就是傻子两个，都为别人卖命，最后打得要死了还要继续，令人惋惜~

历史中的：
锦衣卫，火枪队

也有人胡乱给影评，说锦衣卫是古代明朝的gay 1号~
http://www.mtime.com/my/607521/blog/3291292/

rubberband

2010-02-24T02:15:00.003+08:00

如果能够继续这样没心没肺下去，
会怎么样？
如果对每个人都可以这样没心没肺，
多没负担。

Tie a rubber band on wrist,
Pull the string whenever the feeling comes.
Necessary?

绑个橡胶圈在手腕，
每当那感觉来袭就弹一下。
有必要吗？

bad psy202 day

2010-02-23T02:22:00.003+08:00

Today was not a good PSY 202 day. First, SPSS problem. Then, assessment booking problem which is big deal because I can feel Ms.Winnee annoyance. Darn internet line!

Pray pray Ms.Winnee don't remember my name because of this~~~
Pray pray Ms.Winnee won't go too harsh on us during assessment~~~
Pray pray Ms.Winnee did received the email~~~

生活

2010-02-21T02:43:00.004+08:00

不开心的时候是不是应该假装开心？这样大家都会继续开心下去。
我在想如果我在房间里面腐烂有没有人会发现？
为啥我怎么想都想不起没遇见你之前我是怎么过生活的呢？
爱理不理，我在瞎说。
如果拼命寻找新爱情可以忘记旧爱情，这是很不对的行为。
我在想下一段爱情来临时我会怎样？
逃避？抗拒？欢喜？忧愁？
我很想我会是抗拒的，然后逃避。
反正也是瞎想。
从前都没有人是先喜欢上我的。我没被追过~哈
我很贫，我嘴贫。
人也很贫。
就是你。都是你。还不是你。让我这样。
两个人会比一个人好，
因为懒惰时会有人督促你快点读书做功课，
夜深了会有人叫你早点睡觉，
会让你想要努力赚钱，身体强健，
那是一种生活的动力。
不信？看看我和我身边单身的朋友。
我怎么想都想不起没遇见你之前我怎么过的生活？

左心房

2010-02-20T03:42:00.004+08:00

睡觉时手放在左心房，是我不久前养成的习惯。原因是手放在左胸口睡觉时心比较安，仿佛可以压制心里的疼痛不让发作。

断了又接回，一年后它仍旧挂在那。人事已非。一周年。
难过得左心房疼痛，那个叫做心痛。
她对我说过原来心痛时心脏那里的位置真的会痛。

新年期间啦

2010-02-19T14:34:00.003+08:00

Milky最怕我走路出门。因为我回家都是走路出去搭巴士的，一走就是好几天，它会看不到我而瘦下来。昨天，我把它接回来了。果然又瘦了一圈，苗条到~ 回到家它很开心，跑来跑去，一下子大了三坨‘黄金’。现在它有个任务，就是在露台巡逻赶走猫。是滴~我狗现在是睡露台~

我家门前有棵棉花树。如果我有DSLR相机我会对它拍个不停。

还在新年期间却要自己一个人吃饭，难免有些悲哀落寞。我等下就去落寞一下。

黄小琥那首‘没那么简单’很好听。不就是御姐的爱情经历的一首歌嘛。我喜欢看御姐故事~

你飞吧

2010-02-10T01:24:00.003+08:00

自言自语。
废话。
Copy and paste.

好想找个温暖的怀抱窝进去大哭一场

那样的吻痕除了刺伤眼睛没有任何意义

我爱的人呢

洁白的一切

像极了自己的心为什么那么傻

一道一道的伤口每看见一次都像是吞了苍蝇般恶心

训斥哭什么

是啊哭什么

狼狈不堪心脏的地方要炸开了我是哪里不好

惹得你如此温柔的欺骗

你说我像是个委屈的孩子你说自己是个坏女人

你说你想我

你说你爱我

你说你舍不得

你说没钱也无所谓

你说都好

可是你说我们分手吧

你说忍不了我

你说...

可是你仍然和那个所有人都觉得如此便宜的男人手牵手从我面前走过

亲亲我我缠绵不休

你说怕我心痛

你说...

不还是一样

我到底是做错了什么得到如此刻骨铭心伤得如此彻底的爱情

或许你并不爱我

或许你觉得我伤心难过都是自己找的

或许你根本不在乎我

你需要的究竟是什么呢

一个隐形的人

一个不会说难过疼哭伤心地情人

你在那个地方说给我的话根本是个虚无的诺言

你不需要我的十年不需要我回来找你

因为我不过是你的一个现在

你知道我在你不在的时候睡不着哭的像是世界毁灭

你知道我在你不在的时候灵魂出鞘眼神空洞

你知道我在给你发短信的时候是什么样的心情

求你哄哄我

求你让我开心求你可怜我？

是不是天生我就是个活该的可怜虫

疼啊疼啊

不值得可怜

恨不得杀了他杀了自己

可是有什么用呢

不还是这样有他就会有他我还是我啊

小年你又一次骗了我

除了伤心什么都没有了

只是想窝在你怀里大哭哭到世界毁灭虽然一个T要坚强可惜这样的痛、除了默默忍受没有任何办法、只想找一个地方诉说我的难过悲伤、

http://lessnolove.blog.163.com/blog/static/2348995420101722736514/

亲爱的，你问我过得好吗，你要我怎么回答呢？
一直用写字来发泄，自言自语，给你看，给所有人看，可现在连写也觉得徒然，很废。
世界上那么多人经历过同样的痛，何必多我一个人来诉说那时种怎样的痛呢？看起来就像在废话。
那个《因为我是T》和《我是一个T》，有矛盾点。提醒着女孩们T还是女孩，不就是提醒着T的女生身份给不了未来吗？
‘放手，更多是因为无奈’ 那句我很有同感，因为我在无奈着。卑微得没资格去争取。‘睡不着哭得像世界末日，求你留我，求你不让我走，求你让我开心’，就是那么的卑微。现在，你知道了。

我爱你我恨你我想你。
我是你的你不是我的。
我恨我怒我故作潇洒。
我行我素我孤独来往。

张芸京‘你飞吧’

狮子头春哥

2010-02-08T02:44:00.004+08:00

话说某人明天早上要飞过印度大洋从狗不拉屎鸟不生蛋的巧克力人的地方回来了。
某人长得像春哥，偶第一眼看某人的时候就不小心喊了出来‘李宇春’。
某人每次远渡印度洋回来都要人间消失二十四小时，
所以呢偶要祝某人一路顺风平平安安归来好。

Summary:
this post dedicated to HL~~
so that big tiger head will come back from 'chocolate land' safely~~

无眠

2010-02-05T03:36:00.003+08:00

给完你我的温柔，给完你我的霸道，
因为你是我的。
现在已经不是我的。
今天，想起你无数次。那个熟悉的地方，以前几乎每天都会经过的路，已经变得那么陌生。那个我们经常去买面包的7-11隔壁那个原本我忘了是什么的店变成了很大的一间mini market。
想起，心情就会低落。
我很想写说，最伤心的事，莫过于原本最亲密最知心的两个人变成了没有交际的陌生人。由每天的无话不说变成了说什么也没有意义。其实这也不是人生最伤心的事，只是还没活过来而已。

苏打绿-无眠

今仔日月亮哪赫呢光
照著阮规暝拢袂当困
连头毛拢无歇困

你敢知阮对你的思念
希望你有仝款的梦
咱两人做阵转来彼一工
互相依倚的情爱

伫你的心肝内
是毋是佫有我的存在
永远拢咧等
有时阵嘛会毋甘愿

想讲欲做伙飞
去一个心中美丽的所在
所有的一切
拢总佮你囥做伙
希望你会当了解

今仔日月亮哪赫呢光
照著阮规暝拢袂当困
亲像鱼死伫花园

你敢知阮对你的思念
希望你有仝款的梦
咱两人做阵转来彼一工
互相依倚的情爱

伫你的心肝内
是毋是佫有我的存在
永远拢咧等
有时阵嘛会毋甘愿

想讲欲做伙飞
去一个心中美丽的所在
所有的一切
拢总佮你囥做伙
希望你会当了解

我毋管偌济时间偌济目屎偌济失望来忍耐
我毋管你当时会转来
其实我嘛毋知影为怎样为怎样戆戆等待

你是我唯一的爱

伫你的心肝内
是毋是佫有我的存在
永远拢咧等
有时阵嘛会毋甘愿

想讲欲做伙飞
去一个心中美丽的所在
所有的一切
拢总佮你囥做伙
希望你会当了解
为著你我一定等

为什么苏打绿不早点出这个呢？
我想问，有没有那么一首歌会让你想起我？
可每一首歌都让我想起你想起我们。
伫你的心肝内，是毋是佫有我的存在？
想讲欲做伙飞，去一个心中美丽的所在。
希望你会当了解，为著你我一定等。
其实我已等无人。

洋葱vs蒜头

2010-02-04T02:11:00.005+08:00

话说洋葱，蒜头，姜是好朋友。
有一天，小狼跟小纬在厨房。小纬在忙着切菜，小狼袖手旁观。
‘诶，帮我切蒜头好了’，小纬看不过去，大老本色出来了。
‘哦。’ 小狼接过刀就开始切蒜头。很努力的在切。
‘诶那个刀很钝也。’ 小纬就递了那把她的传家之刀给小狼，然后又丢了两颗蒜头过来。
那把传家之刀果然很锋利，小狼切得很兴奋~
切着切着，小狼：‘诶？喂（纬）zomok这个蒜头长得那么不一样的？？？’。
小纬o.O：‘这个是洋葱来的~！’。
小狼：‘哦~~怪不得长得那么像洋葱咯。你叫我切蒜头嘛，我以为这个是大一点的蒜头。’
小纬-.-''：‘你会不会分洋葱跟蒜头的？？’
哎呀，小狼哪里不是不知道洋葱啦，只是小纬明明叫她切的是蒜头，没有想到小纬会耍赖要她顺便切mai洋葱嘛~
还有，洋葱，蒜头，姜本来就属于同一类辣辣的嘛，小狼只是忘记了它们三兄弟的名，没有忘记它们的味道~~

失眠

2010-02-03T00:55:00.003+08:00

回忆很可怕，不知不觉就让你内牛满面（泪流满脸）。

那些一起去过的地方，
不必要时都尽量不去，
以免触景伤情；
那些一起做过的事，
不必要时都尽量不做，
以免一个人做两个人做过的事，多么的孤单；
那些一起说过的话，
不必要时都不要说，
以免记忆里提醒曾经有个人跟你说过同样的一句话，而那个人却已经不在身边。
这样的话，那些在一起十年却分手的情侣，
都会变成有social phobic,不出门不见人了。
都说time will heal，
我等着。

你好就好，
提醒自己，
不要打扰。

原来没有想像中那么爱睡，肚子饿了。
啊，梁静茹结婚了~听说李心结也快结婚了~
还有就是我大哥也要结婚了~ ^^
未来阿嫂要我穿马甲smart smart~嘿

梦

2010-01-31T14:20:00.003+08:00

把悲伤藏在看不到的地方，
却原来极度的压抑真的会以梦境呈现出来。
一个梦，
原来我还是那么无助，
悲伤，无可奈何的愤怒，
歇斯底里的呐喊咒骂，
在梦里的歇斯底里不再理智，
与现实里的无奈成了对比。

就真的这样吗？
忘不了？也得不到？

烂

2010-01-31T03:29:00.002+08:00

心中有个刺，
不想去拔掉，
不懂为什么。
想把它当透明，
其实已经当透明了很久了。
我知道如果不拔掉这刺，
将会是终身的遗憾。
却还是莫名其妙的忽视这个刺，
我也不懂我到底怎么了。

so near,yet so far.
就好像快触不到了。

孤僻，浑身的孤僻。
去掉，通通去掉。
网上网下两个人。
交心网上面具网下。
怎么就跟人倒反呢？
Writing is always easier than talking for me.
I do the listening,You do the talking.
Fair and square.

透明

2010-01-28T21:16:00.002+08:00

被人当透明，没关系，习惯了，我也当自己透明。
格格不入，没关系，我本来就是独行侠。
很想破口大骂，算了，都没有错。
很愤怒，只是无奈盖过一切。

孤单，是一个人的狂欢；
狂欢，是一群人的孤单。

叶子。街角的祝福。

let me be

2010-01-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

让我活在不属于我的世界，
让我二十四小时不用睡觉，
让我什么都不用做，自由的让我看小说看戏，
让我没有悲伤没有爱没有自卑没有感情，
就当我不是人，
让我活在pokemon里那个单纯的世界，digimon也行，七龙珠就更有型，
让我虚荣，当某故事里那个有170的高度帅气风流潇洒的帅T，
为什么还是T呢？因为T比男人帅气有型出众。
让我不是我，
让我忘了2009。

感情皆虚，唯有知识与金钱为实。

Let me live in a world that doesn't belong to me,
let me stay awake for 24 hours without sleep,
let me do nothing,but read those stories online and watch movies,
let me be numb, emotionless and empty,pretend that I'm not human.
Let me stay in a fictional world,
let me be what I'm not,
make me forget 2009.

如果爱过的人是那么的无情，宁愿把一切都忘了。
可回忆却是那么的清晰。

spend money buy happy

2010-01-18T20:21:00.006+08:00

Previous post was my 300th post,hooray.
Spent a lot of money this month. But I didn't simply spent,I swear. Motor's serviced RM60++gone, Milky's food RM60++ gone, rental RM130++ gone, textbook RM70 gone(more to come), laptop stuff RM120 gone, books RM60++ gone, shirt, RM89 gone. Now I'm trying to minimize my daily expense with only RM3 on food everyday,heheh,don't worry,I'm not starving myself or on diet. Some of the things I bought:

A pendrive, a mini vacuum, a Cyber Clean ('high-tech' laptop cleaner) and a laptop skin

So cute right?looks like Sin Chan's dog Xiao Bai with a teru teru bozu. Too bad it's too huge for my laptop,so it's pretty much wasted.

This Cyber Clean yellow jelly thingy reminds me of Robbin Williams's movie Flubber!

And yesterday I went KLCC alone. I love kinokuniya! So variety of books!Too many English books recently,so this time I spent on Chinese book:

Echo（三毛,read all her books before during high school），Ou Yang Wen Feng (欧阳文风,he's Malaysian,he's sociologist,he's priest or whatever that called,and he's gay!），Ping Ton Comic (平旦漫画,local comic!u know wut is 4896?it was from him!）.

And this is from Topman, RM89.5 after 50% discount.

People said spending money will makes you happy,hell yea,I think it is getting what you want that makes you happy. But give me more books that I want,I'm sure I'll be happy too!

missing

2010-01-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

I miss her. But I couldn't message her to tell her this anymore. Nor call her and listen to her voice and tell her I miss her. No I can't because I'd said I'll leave her alone and won't disturb her anymore. But not a day I didn't think of her, think of us. There were nights that I was lucky to be tired enough to slip into deep sleep right after I laid on bed. But there were also many nights I spent laying awake thinking and missing her,cried myself to sleep. These few days it's getting worse,since I got back here,I feel very much alone,I...... Life goes on, life goes on. She just came by,I know. I just miss her so much,miss her so much,but it won't change anything,I can't change anything,you understand? Life goes on, her life, and my life.

Two lines crossed and became one.But now they were separated and became two different lines again,heading to different direction.

再说

2010-01-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

有人生下来就是Prince Charming，加上后天的努力，更加charm死人。
有人生下来属于角落的一部分，默默无名。忧郁吧忧郁吧，快变成忧郁王子吧。

深深的喜欢一个人，出尽全力对她好，像小孩对喜爱的玩具的霸占一样地想占有欲，也像饿狼强烈霸占着食物时那样凶狠的强烈保护着我以为属于我的人。
想像着她投入别人的怀抱，那种感觉很难受，很难受。
假装假装假装多好，我很不好其实，我还是很难过其实，我不想看到你的名字了其实，我很脆弱其实，我很想痛哭其实。
范逸臣的那首歌‘再说’：
再说，你本来就，迟早会离开我。
对啊，本来就会离开的。我很神。请叫我神奇的小狼。

two,time

2010-01-08T03:34:00.002+08:00

我回来了，Milky瘦到看到肋骨了。也不是没有人喂，没有人放它活动，所以很有可能就是见不到我忧郁成病。至少我知道这个世界上除了家人的挂念，还有我狗会想念我。买了狗罐头，决定要让它长肉！可是不得不担心下个月新年怎么办？肯定又会瘦回来的。

我有两个老朋友+好朋友，现在我二十一岁，可以说我跟他们相识了十多年了。都是小学同学一起上中学的，其中一个在小学时就很要好，每天早上上课前会绕着校园走走散步谈心事，也曾经因为生气不小心互掴巴掌后闹翻不讲话几天，就是会在乎对方的那种。我们三个在中学一起当图书管理员，各自在课外活动上都被委于重任。现在我们三个都在读着不同领域的科系，她们在UM，一个医学系一个计算系，我们现在的所在地住得比在家乡的所在地还要近，可是就很少见面。好了，这个拜六我们聚餐去~ 有着这样的老朋友感觉真好~

难过没什么大不了，人人都会难过。失去了重要的东西当然会难过，应该会难过，自然会难过，不难过的才不正常。我难过，可是我不颓废，我有吃东西有喝水，我打扫房间洗衣服，我过日子。

Within 24 hours in a day,there are certain minutes that unconsciously reminded me someone is at work,someone just finish working hour,someone should be back 哀痛 home.
MSN的头像让我知道她在家还是她出去了，跟朋友出去喝茶吗？Dating去了吗？都只是我瞎猜。过去的习惯让我自以为是的认为她在某时某刻是在做什么。自然的提醒，我在挂念。

我没有刻意躲起来，我承受着，我想我在学习着，学习着承受。我一直在你看得到我的地方，没有走开。我害怕知道，我害怕难过，所以你不说，我不会问。

Two is better than one.我一直那么认为。感伤，you were my another one,but now I don't know whether you'd found your another one.

她喜欢Taylor Swift.反正她很少来，我就在这里抒发算了。在我地方这就得听我的！

2010

2010-01-05T04:54:00.002+08:00

Dell Inspiron 1440 very high tech,why? It have a software called Fast Access Face Recognition. What for? You can either type password by your own or only need to show your face in front of laptop to sign into Window. Cool eh?
这新电脑很好玩~那个自动认可脸登入的很好玩~ 不过要我嫌弃的话还是有的，例如keyboard too hard,wider screen but same size of font,which makes my eyes @.@.

把自己弄得很累才上床睡觉，避免想太多过去，避免眼睛出水。

觉得为什么女人对我们那么冷血无情，怎么说抛下我们就抛下了，怎么不顾过去的感情呢？就算每天夜里睡前都会思念流泪，也不能改变什么，也就只能生活继续，该吃喝玩乐时就吃喝玩乐，尽量不去打扰她的生活。

2010年的凌晨我似乎写了什么发过信息给她，又似乎哭得像个小孩在干姐的安慰中平息下来，又似乎向干姐含糊说了什么想要诉说。醉醒后也没去求证，那outbox我没敢去开，我不记得我写了什么。

我想要平凡的生活，有她；她也想要平凡的生活，真的平凡的，没有我的份的。我才刚二十一，还是个学生，怎么给她平凡生活呢？她选择是对的，已不再是只要爱情什么都可以舍弃的年龄，而且为我也不值得，我给不了什么。此刻我还是难过的，甚至是自卑的，可我已理解不能强求，她没错，我也没错。

我是平凡的，平庸的，我不出色，不管哪方面，我没大志，尽管我想过不甘于平凡，却又是那么的平庸。些许的自卑自闭，烦躁于人多场合，喜欢平静安静，凡凡之辈。

看着来访者的来处，带着些许期待，然后些许的失望。

2010新的一年也没什么不同。生活继续，没什么可以改变，除了岁数和写下日期是的数字。会想起去年的同样日期同样时间的人和事，你还记得吗？伤心的事不应该带进新的一年，可是回忆不能忘。

一日同行

2009-12-30T16:23:00.003+08:00

I have a new lappie. But nope, I'm not using it now. My modem is too old to compatible with the new lappie's OS Window 7. That's why I don't like new technology or new gadget.
我有新电脑笔记了，可是那modem插进USB却没反应，支撑不到新科技。都说我是念旧的人。

我不提及不代表我不想念。
思念藏心底，有几次差点露了出来，还是不打扰的好。
心慌心烦，逃了。
你，不看了，不会懂。无所谓。

一直在看故事，中文英文交替看，好多个故事，有时自己都懵了，忘了这个主角是哪个故事的。
有一个特别让我有感触。Copy and paste吧。

“嫉妒袭来
　　（呵呵，朋友们，听艾镜谈到嫉妒一定有点陌生吧）
　　但是它当时还是来了，平静的海面底下，嫉妒暗涌
　　他不英俊，他没有气质，他没有才华，他没有聪慧，他没有对等的家世……他没有他没有……
　　我想着这些平静而出神地对他笑着，觉得自己甚至有点鬼魅
　　嫉妒……如果对方强过自己会嫉妒，原来对方不够好更会嫉妒，我宁愿他好到无人能比，无法舍弃……我此刻也能心甘一点
　　…………
　　我想做对，我想讽刺……
　　但是
　　不行！
　　我心里一个声音告诉我不行！因为我又看到了她，我刚刚的目光里只是盯死了那个男人的平庸，一直没有看向可爱的她……她此刻恬淡地眯着眼睛看着天花板，嘴角上扬，呼吸像小湖上的波纹，天真的她，现在不再惊慌和害怕，她发现我和他在和平融洽地相处在一起，这也许是她没有想象过的画面吧，那么和谐那么宁静。她隐藏过我，迫使我回避，怕我的心想些什么感受到些什么。
　　但是她现在似乎觉得一切都可以轻松下来，因为没有人伤害他人。
　　没有人伤害他人……
　　鬼魅从脸上消失，眼睛里露出真诚
　　眼睛要看着自己的爱人，心里产生的才是爱，当内心衍生出愤恨和嫉妒的时候，我们会发现，眼里的主角早已换成了他人，而不是爱人。”

“我写出我们之前略有悲伤略有迷茫但是最终勇敢和坚定的过程，其实是想和大家分享心态，我的一个朋友告诉我，在爱里常常会出现一方表面的冷漠换来另一方的自我保护，于是那种出于自我保护的骄傲更加深地伤害对方，于是出现重重的自我保护和伤害。人在爱里是很容易受到伤害的，而这伤害的来源是不可思议的，因为往往是对方爱的方式，那方式与我们的需要有区别，于是伤害产生了。
　　请跨越这些，我们这个群体，爱是不容易的，却也是美到不真实的，所以何苦让现实中的垃圾困扰你的爱呢？太多的形式主义的在一起，太多的现实阻碍，太多的自认为不可能，太多的自私自利……
　　让它们远离，只让纯粹的心灵互相拥抱
　　我想说：福分足够用”

摘自天涯一路同行《我爱她，比我大十几岁的一个女人》，作者艾镜

原来爱可以那么无私无计较。

我有很型的老婆

2009-12-22T20:54:00.002+08:00

傍晚骑着我的老婆去兜风。住宅区小路无需戴铁帽，微风习习迎面而来，很让心情愉快。我想我的脸是一路很拽的笑着，因为我的老婆很有型。在熟悉的的小路上奔驰，每次回来都会回去学校的篮球场兜一圈，鸟脚有在的话一定会兜去她家找她。

这里的人都很随和。屋后有一个荒废的Majlis Perbandaran storeroom。有道友在里面逍遥，是一个uncle。昨天带狗散布时发现的，因为另一个uncle走进去好像是在交易。这道友的来访似乎已经有一段时间了，我爸妈都不以为意，这里没有人会去理的。

我家邻居的媳妇好像来了亲戚。亲戚里有一个好象是自家人,长发t吧，泰国来的华侨。我家邻居很妙，小儿子变了性，大儿子娶泰国人。

刚才出去吃饭看到一个小妹妹，一副很乖巧的样子，应该只有7，8岁吧，戴副小眼镜了。爸爸抽烟，小妹妹捏着鼻子喝水，呵呵很可爱。我喜欢乖巧的小孩。

头发很乱。我想留长。

避风港

2009-12-22T04:18:00.002+08:00

家里装修过，厨房浴室跟厕所都动过了土，冰箱位子有所改变，加上之前换了新沙发，有点感觉我家不像我家。不变的是温暖的感觉。回家了。我，回家了。我是念旧的人，一开始会觉得怪怪的，厕所和浴室好像变小了，沙发太高了，洗手盆太远了，不过不能否认的，这家越来越舒服，让人越来越慵懒。

说离开了很多次，这次也许真的就结束了。她是个很好的女孩，只是我不是她要的。单方面的梦想是实现不到的。说她自私，我何尝不是？很多破坏性的话和事，我都在毫无理智的情况下说了做了。我想我做的不够好，都很任性。我想我最后又做错了一件事，信封没有封上，没有做好对她的保护，我的过失。但愿家人真的没有看到，或者看不懂华文，当初写华文的由衷就是怕会被看到，不过还是我的愚蠢，没把事情做好。如果我带来任何你和家人的困扰，我真的很对不起...也只能说最不起。我果然很笨。

如果时间能够倒流，我不介意回到我住院的那个星期，改变刚结束的那个学期所发生的事。我愿意再病一次。

我怎么就不能成熟些呢？

我逃回了避风港。

失心

2009-12-16T17:15:00.007+08:00

‘也是我要的’
一直以来，我找借口，是因为家人。我错了。
就算泪水流尽，
呐喊得再大声，
把木墙打碎了，
把拳头磨得流血，
把声音喊得沙哑，
也改变不了，你要的，不是我，不是男生。
我死心了，还有什么可以说？
我把木墙打出一个洞了，怎么办？
给你我的心，却把它给丢了。
捡回来的心一次比一次不堪入眼。
再见了，我的爱.
Goodbye,my love. Take care.

tag

2009-12-16T01:09:00.009+08:00

[个人资料]
眞實名字: 张嘉雯
暱稱: kaven,小狼，狼狼
年齡：20
星座：双鱼
血型：O
喜歡吃什麽：zukulat
討厭吃什麽：青色的菜，苦苦的菜

說出心裏話
[請填下眞實資料]
你心目中人的姓氏: 王
你心目中人的暱稱: rose
你心目中人和你的年齡差別: 3年
你喜歡他什麽: 不知道。可爱单纯善良。就是喜欢。
你喜歡他幾個月: 一年
你有情敵嗎: 有
你有好朋友喜歡他嗎:没有

他知道你喜歡他嗎: 知道

你曾經因爲他心痛嗎: 很多
你曾經因爲他受傷嗎: physically，nope.
你曾經因爲他吃醋嗎: 都酸死了
你們吵架過嗎: 有

必填
[請填下眞實資料]
誰傳達給你這份問卷：PS
你收到問卷,感覺如何:又被bomb
他如果和你告白,你會怎樣:I know u lup me~i lup u too~
你喜歡他嗎: 喜欢~
你身邊有朋友喜歡他嗎:身边，没有
如果他暗戀你,你會怎樣: 拿大便丢他~
他有可能和你在一起嗎:不会~
他是同性戀嗎: 不是不是

[請填下眞實資料]
你有幾次戀愛經驗: 1，2，3，这次算吗？4
告白失敗了,你會繼續嗎: 继续等，直到看不到希望
你擁有的暗戀經驗,深嗎: 有，深到~
暗戀感覺舒服嗎：爽个屁

過去
[請填下眞實資料]
你有可能喜歡你前一任在一起嗎：这个问题句子有问题，我不明白
他再次向你表白,你會：前任？哦
現在對他的印象怎樣,爲什麽：很有女人味，很美
對他還有感覺嗎：没有
長得怎樣：美
分手是誰提的：一起
他討厭你嗎：曾经有过吧
和他曾經過幾壘了：有几垒就几垒
會後悔和他在一起嗎：不会
會想回去以前和他在一起的日子嗎：不会。不健康
你們以現在的情況遇見，是怎樣：过得怎样？还好吗？
會因爲過去吵架嗎：不会，没有在联络
以前的日子開心嗎：恋爱刚开始都是开心的
以前的日子幸福嗎：恋爱刚开始都是幸福的
對他感情很深嗎：不是很深，很快就过了。

中學生戀情
[請填下眞實資料]
你網戀過嗎：都是网上开始的
你在學校和他的遇見是怎樣呢：没有同校的
你們是怎樣認識的：网上啦
學校知道你們關係嗎：不知道
對方父母知道你們的關係嗎：不知道
你的父母知道你們的關係嗎：不知道
全班同學知道你們的關係嗎：不知道
對他感覺如何：哪个啊？
将到来的情人节，你们如何慶祝：大家都在庆祝农历新年

tagged by PS

2009-12-14T01:26:00.002+08:00

或许问题不在于她？在于我们？
I don't understand.
I know I am being difficult,
but don't need to left me out,
I will walk out if necessary.