Pride month

It's Pride month, but I don't feel any pride or in anyway to celebrate it. My gf broke up with me few days after her birthday. Reason being she don't feel comfortable in this relationship. I'm not a guy. There wasn't any negative expression of her feelings on our relationship after we have been together for almost 3 years. It's a sudden death penalty to our relationship. And a sudden blow to me. There could be no more discussions to work this out. She has decided on this since few months ago. I did realised there has been faint of spark but I thought we could work it out. But not this. She said she has no more feelings to me. Now I am blaming myself maybe I have taken this relationship for granted. If maybe I can be more romantic or put more of my feelings into action, all these could be preventable.

1. It is what it is. There is nothing much I can do to change the situation. 

世界都还在转，但是都好像与我无关

I will not delete all your pictures
We will still be friends
But when you have new bf
I might go crazy

Life goes on?

我以为雪和狼终于可以在一起，结果还是分开了...

It's just like this big hole in your heart. Someone important will be missing from day-to-day life from now on. After two and half years. What is she doing? What am I doing? No more messages exchange. Just have to get used to it. Missing you was not part of the plan. But life goes on. I thought we are already at level 50, but we have failed at level 1 actually. Just sad, no more rage. Too old for this shit. What am I gonna do with my life?

当你还在原地踏步，而她却在前进时，若不追上，就会被远远抛弃。

我得紧记，人类是群居动物，无法自立为孤岛。但是人生来却是个体，如此封闭自己，筑起围墙的话，那好吗？

尚旧没有自我对话，距离的拉开，内心的不安，是否多虑？

与世界为敌

总会有那么一个女孩
让你想向全世界出柜
一种就算世界与我为敌也不管的感觉

虽然有时候调皮得很欠扁
不过我也耍嘴皮子不少
不知道暗地里翻无数次白眼

执子之手
牵吾之心

Happy 3 anniversary =目

小辣椒

无法参与你的过去
我想陪在你的未来

嗅觉对你的味道灵敏得不像话啊
这是怎么一回事啊？

你在烦恼什么

感觉被什么捆绑着

前进不了

想要的 和 必须解决的

责任的 和 情不自禁的

不要被别人影响情绪

该做的做

可是现在好像什么都做不了...

吴青峰的歌声真治愈啊！

你在烦恼什么？

吴青峰还很妩媚，

不信你看一下幸福额度的MV

解药

有时候太过了解自己的情绪不一定是好事
内疚 罪恶感
迷恋 欲望
控制 自制

感情如果开始了隐瞒，就会有欺骗
己所不欲 勿施与人

没资格批评人家的前任啊
自己也在精神出柜当中

5月24

抛开所有的责任和撒了个谎
跑到另一端出席那个婚礼
需要勇气

每次见她都需要勇气
出席她的婚礼
及其需要用勇气

我是去干嘛呢
无数次

在她身后看着她挽着个男人的手入席
席内来宾的欢呼声
我逃了下去，想落跑
躲在楼下等救兵，
她信息来说还没到是吧

喝酒
壮胆
见她
拥抱

在席内
环看四周
我给不到 给不起
躲进厕所 无数次

喝酒与理智拔河
还好理智坚持到差那么一点
眷恋让酒精胜了
最候一次的拥抱
然候我崩溃了
视线变模糊，记忆也迷糊
明天才找你 她说
走了

没见了
就如说接我机一样
哪有新娘前后一天乱乱跑的
奢望吧
留恋 回到现实吧
哪有人像我这样戏剧化的
飞机起飞那刻
把留恋留下吧

祝你幸福

She is getting married.

前篇才刚提及婚嫁，
隔几天她就信息我说她要结婚了。
晴天霹雳是当下的感觉，
心情复杂是真的，
起身，拿手机，躲进厕所，回座。
她说她想邀请我出席婚礼。
再拿手机，起身，躲进bistro。
我问她，你确定你要我出席你的婚礼吗？
你不怕吗？
可是我怕我会失控。

在还没买机票之前，
已经编制出各种借口。
决定会去，
是因为她给了我一直想要知道的答案。
我疯了。

谁会去邀请一个曾经跟你纠缠不清的人出席自己的婚礼？

昨晚作了个梦。
梦里到了婚礼前，
有着她先生。
在梦里我失控了，
在她和她先生面前歇斯底里，
愤怒的发泄。

或许我还为自己感到委屈。

那年我20岁，她23岁，我是第三者。
今年我26岁，她29岁，她即将为人妻。

见不得光的恋情，不堪回首的回忆，一辈子的遗憾。
已三年不见，还满期待她披婚纱的摸样。
能见到她最美的时刻，或许是值得的。
祝你幸福，其实每次听到这首歌，脑海里早已经演习过千百篇。

无题

过着安逸的日子的当儿，
偶尔也会有半夜不想睡的夜晚，
偶尔也会有听着某电台忽然感伤的时候，
偶尔驾车也会有忽然晃神感伤的路程。
We are all slaves to our past.

突然想象如果是这年纪的男女谈恋爱，
是可以大大方方带回家，
被朋友问什么时候抛红炸弹，
那是一间多么普通的事情，
而我们不一样的感情却是要积力争取，
得经历大风暴才能得来，
好不公平啊!

梦醒时分

以前会非常乐意的分享自己的想法，

以文字赤裸裸的表现自己也不介意。

后来发现网络有如火星一样危险，

可以被别人当作武器，

也可以无意间伤害到别人。

说者无心听者有意。

于是就减少了文字抒写情感。

到了某种年纪，

回想起往事，

心里或许还会有些涟漪，

却不再悲愤交集。

当年自认为轰轰烈烈的感情事件，

也以可以坦然面对。

回看当写下的痕迹，

原来当时情感那么的浓烈。

26岁的年纪，

是否会太过安于当下？

没把握的事情，

懒得从新开始，

而不去追求？

如果知道不适合，

是否要勉强凑合过日子？

或是让梦继续就好？

我们都长大了。
我们都在专心的过日子。

不速之客

我是幸运的。
家里的狗都是乖巧听话，就算在Cherishlife Home shelter里的狗也是亲人和狗，和平相处。
Milky从小就被我捡回来，长大过程里我都花很多时间陪她，性格是粘人乖巧偶尔顽皮的。
Cookie是从后面街狗跑来门口摇头摆尾走进我家，性格温和顺从，所以没有带来很大的问题。
直到这只不速之客的出现，才发现狗狗有behavioral problem是多么的令人头痛。

他叫小白，三个星期前不知道从哪里冒出来跟了Bobby的饲主回家，饲主就找我求救，就这样小白就归我管下了......
在诊所住了一个星期，回家后刚开始还算乖巧可爱，现在问题都跑出来了搞到我精神紧绷。

或许是我内心不够强大，正能量不够强，都被他们欺负。平时在shelter里还可以震住一些场，在家里就被不成形的pack搞得神经质。

Cookie的paw pad刚修复好，还戴着E-Collar (Collar of shame)，不给跑出去就半夜呜呜叫。
小白对声音敏感，一点噪音就汪汪叫；对雄性动物极其不友善，具有攻击性，昨天就跟Bobby打架不小心咬到我；还有占有欲攻击性，昨天就被他咬了一下脚趾头。

我想叫医生给多几粒安眠药，把这两只都‘Kong’掉，然后把自己也‘Kong’掉。

In Human We Trust. - Chapter 1

A sudden impact sent him flew up into the air and landed hard on the solid road. He did not know what just happened to him. His friend had successfully crossed to the opposite road. He was almost there when something hit him. He couldn't feel anything at this moment. He couldn't move. Laying there on his side. Breathing hard. Terrified. It took him awhile to feel the pain. A different kind of pain that he never experience before. This is different from being hit by wooden stick by the little human. He whined in pain but he couldn't move his hind leg.

His friend sensed something was wrong with him. His friend came over and to check on him but unsure of what to do. His friend tried to comfort him. He touched him softly with muzzle but he couldn't stop the pain.

He did not know how long he has been laying there in pain. His loyal friend never wonder far away from him. Sometimes he'll come and lay beside him. Fast moving objects on the road never stop. He laid there in pain but he know he have to go. His friend encouraged him. He couldn't feel his hind legs but his front legs are just fine. Something in him told him that he have to stand up. He tried to move his hind legs but he couldn't. All he have now is his front legs. Putting all the strength he has on his front body part to sit up and support himself, he move slowly away from the busy roadside. He drag himself slowly, inch by inch. He did not know where was he going. He couldn't see clearly which way to go but he knows he have to move. He didn't know that he is going to fall down into the drain.

Pitch dark. The next thing he know, he was in a big drain. He tried to sit up. His friend approached the drain and barked at him, as if asking whether he is alright. His friend whimpered and tried to get him out but he got no hands like human. All his friend could do is just sit there and accompanied him.

Help came at last. A lady human looked down into the drain. He saw her. Lady human moved away and came back with another human. Human jumped into the drain and spent some time with him before touching him. Human talked to him softly and he know this human is different. He can trust this Human. Human wrap some clothes around him and carried him out from the drain gently with the help of lady human outside the drain. He was in pain and he was not sure what was happening and he didn't know what human will do to him. Human carried him into the fast moving object. A minute later, his friend is with him. In the fast moving object.

When he felt the fast moving object had stopped moving, the human moved him into an enclosed area with all sorts of smell. Smells of other dogs, smells of pee, smells of human, smells of substances in the air that he don't know what are those. A mixture of everything. He didn't like it. He was laying on a board.

Another human came over and inspected him. This human didn't spend time with him. A total stranger. He was not sure whether this human can be trusted. He was afraid. This human was touching him here and there. Inspecting his injuries. Lady human was comforting him. Suddenly he felt a pain from his side, and so he snapped at the source of his pain. He accidentally snapped at human lady's finger. He was only protecting himself and reacting to the cause of pain. He didn't intent to harm the kind lady human.

He was then put into a cage. His friend in another. He did not know what will happen next. He did not know whether he would be able to walk again. He did not know what will human do to him next. But he know his fate is in human's hand.


He was a lucky one. Many died on the spot and left unattended. Such is the life of a street dog. Nobody care. Only a few does. Their life is tough but they are tough. Some could still survive for days and months on their own even though they became paralyze due to accident. First time ever, he understand that not all human are bad. First time ever, he experienced love from human. First time ever, he experienced trust on human. He has met his human.

因为她当你的床比她的床还要舒服，
所以床单每次才会那么乱。

因为你的胸膛让她感觉很舒服，
所以她才入睡得流口水。

好吧，只好这么想吧 （ˇˍˇ）

无法取代 vs. replaceable

没有人没了谁就会活不下去。

各种不同的身份，都可以被取代

老板、同事 、朋友、男女朋友、老公老婆

貌似所有没有血缘关系的，

都可以被取代。。。

不喜欢工作辞职，

老板才不削留你。

外面大把人可以请来填补你的职位，

公司不会没有你就行不通，

老板不会对你有感情。

分手了，难过了，

你以为你会难过很久很久，

你以为她也会难过很久很久，

一年后你牵着另一个人的手在街上走来走去。

她也牵着另外一个人在街上逛来逛去。

结婚后，有了一份证书，证明你是某某某的太太。

离婚也不难，请个律师，分居个几年，你就不再是某某某的太太。

几年后，另个人成了某某某的太太。

实在不明白，结婚可以再离婚，结婚是拿来zomok的？

不管你是人家的男女朋友、员工、老公老婆，

你的身份，都可以被其他人取代。

除了身为子女的身份，感情再不好，也无法取代。

也除了您的狗，永远都认得你这个主人，化成灰也会认得你这个主人。

Everyone is replaceable.

当世界进步得人人都网上聊天的时候，

突然发现可以面对面聊天的朋友变少了。

当世界进步得人人都可以手机上网的时候，

突然发现上个网想找人聊天都没了。

部落格处处杂草丛生。

说实在，我比较喜欢以前距离远着，可是心近着。

虽然现在距离不远，却连近况如何也不知道.....

记载着低落的心情，流着泪打的字。

心情成长，有吗？

我想说，

年轻时太轻易喜欢上，

老了想爱上却不容易。

记载着一段段的情史。

假装忘掉某个人某段情，

那个号码不费吹灰之力就retrieved出来了。

删除所有，也删除不了的一些回忆。

偷偷看fb,

真的就没有打扰了那么久。

不知不觉已经6年前了？

A dog's tale

I am committed to dog shelter volunteering. Maybe it was because I indirectly caused death to a puppy whn I was a kid...
Someone abandoned 4-5 puppies in a box outsider my house when I was Standard 2 that time. All puppies were females about 1 week old,which are common until these days.Most people prefer male puppy over female puppy so won't bring breeding problem.
I tried to ask the adult permission to keep 1 of the pups and I got denied. Ok fine. So I played with the puppies and I moved 1 of them nearer to my house and went in to get ready for school. A big mistake. My grandpa moved the puppy away while I was bathing,not back with her siblings,but near to the big drain. After i came out again,the puppy was gone. She fell into the drain. A big drain with medium water current. The adults didn't do anything to save the poor pup,I was only 7 and don't know what to do. The poor pup got washed away,crying for help. Climbed over the slide I could see half of her body floating in the big big drain from the other side of the drain. Lifeless....
Sad and angry,I weeped and didn't talk to my grandpa and brother (taunted me for crying for the pup) for the whole day. I indirectly caused her death while she hadn't able to see the world clearly.
Whenever I stood at the side of the drain,I still thought about the incident. Guilt, I have.
I am not a rescuer. I was not ready to make too much sacrifice. Shame,I felt. But I would,do my part as a dog shelter volunteer: educate and execute Trap-Neuter/Spay-Release program in dog-friendly neighbourhood,and make friends with the furry ones around.

无意思考

还是部落格喊话有效~
吕小明，您还是继续乖乖娱乐大众娱乐爷吧~

不知不觉上班了一年半，真的是不知不觉....
和上课不一样，脑细胞正在慢慢的缩小，难怪老人痴呆在这年代越来越年轻化....
佩服那些可以朝九晚9那么多年的人，竟然可以呆一间公司7、8年。
也佩服老板，以一个人之力操心操肺一间公司那么多年....
大家都被生活同化了,你我他，一样都在赚钱过生活--
饿不死又富不起来的打工族，买了车买不起楼的80后。

感性不起

现实的生活拿走了我的感性，
现在对那些感性的话毫无感觉，
麻木了情感。
除了动物之外，
对其他人类没有多大的兴趣。
什么要死不活的，
统统丢去流浪一天。

然后我要说，
吕小明，为嘛我又看不到你的部落了？？？
要知道您小明的部落是我目前生活乐趣之一呀～～
吕小明看到请回话～