Sunday, November 18, 2012

写信人

刚阅读完了陈雪的《人妻日记》,
里头有她的伴侣早餐人写的信。
分开那段日子里写的信。

有时候生命就是那么奇妙,
梦里寻他千百会,
孰不知那人早已经擦身而过。

文字是表达感情的最好方式(对我来说),
我也曾经写过那样的信,
把所有的愤怒、伤心、绝望等等所有的情绪写在纸上,
偶尔还参杂着泪水与过往记忆片段的思念,
一次过寄了过去。
结果她打了电话过来,
责备我那么鲁莽把所有她的东西连同那些信件飘洋过海寄了整大箱过去,
家里人觉得奇怪,还好没被发现。

我把所有的情绪都抒发,
却没有被认同,石沉大海,那也是我的孤独一注。

心里却是孤独的

Monday, November 12, 2012

前途茫茫

在工作了半年后,我迷茫了…
工作生活真的和想像中有那么大的差别…
不喜欢现在做着的工作,
没办法喜欢,
却也不知道喜欢做的是什么…

大家都必须为了生活而打拼,
热诚于什么?动力出自哪里?
我这个transition也来得真慢…

人生难道就这样过吗?

Monday, November 5, 2012

旅行的义意

旅行可以调整心态。
去年的中国之旅确实可以,
朋友们都说我去回来后人变开郎朗了。
可最近一次的台湾之旅,
回来后并没有达到充电的效果,
反而更烦躁不安,更没冲劲。
日子一日复一曰,
七日过了又得重新来过,
对于才做了半年的工作并没有所获感到厌倦,
才发现我是多么的喜欢学习,喜欢有目标、有目的、有挑战性的任务。
台湾是个很漂亮的地方,
遇到很多贵人相助,毕生难忘。
如果我要移民,我会跑来台湾。
还有半年…

Friday, October 19, 2012

痴人梦话

工作一点都不好玩…
工作会把让你脑袋变笨,
没时间看书,
没时间看戏,
没时间出去玩,
有时间都想拿来睡觉,
剩下的时间只能陪陪女朋友…

工作不好玩,
半年了并没有爱上这份工作。
其实有哪份工是好玩的?
人如果可以不用金钱来过生活的话,
应该没有人会想做自己没有喜欢的工作。
想想人生当中还有三份之二是必须工作的,
就觉得人类真可悲啊!

可不可以给我做我喜欢做的事然后给我钱?
还是都不用工作都可以过日子?
痴人在梦话啊~

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

In loving memory of Mimi the dog (????- 1.2.2012)

The 1st Encounter:
I couldn't remember how it was when she first came into our house. But I do remember why. My dad asked me do I want to have a dog or not few days before she came. I wanted to say yes,but I had a stray cat at that time and I was pretty much comfort and enjoy his companion,so I wasn't so sure whether I wanted to break that companionship or not,so I kept silence. My mom said no,but we always ignored her voice,so the dog came anyway.
Such a tiny hyperactive jumper. She could jump as high as my thigh (I was 10 years old) without a break for 10 times. Her story was: A friend of my uncle got her from the street (she was probably a lost dog). Knowing my uncles love dogs too,he gave her to him. While my uncle was having two Chihuahuas at that time, he couldn't afford to have this hyperactive MinPin anymore. So he gave it to my dad, which is my family where she live happily for about 13 years. She wasn't a puppy anymore,but still very young. Probably at the age of 1 or 2. So we never had puppy biting habits problem with her.

The 1st Walk:
It was an evening. I volunteer myself to walk her. Tiny but strong she was the one who actually walking me. I was excited. Although she's not the first dog of our family,she was my first. She loved the grass. She keep bolting and chocked herself every time that I had to get her harness someday. But the first walk,I was not doing it rightly,my bro said. Everyone was outside with me and her,my two brothers.
A walk in the morning and evening became hers and our habit for 13 years. We never toilet trained her but she never pee or poo in the house. She would wait for the time for us to bring her out. Well,unless she couldn't hold it any longer,which is our fault. During my school years,I took afternoon nap on cushion and she would jumped up and woke me up with her licks whenever it was her walking time.She was very persistent that I had to give in every time.
During her young age,we had to keep her on leash during the walk as she was a runner. As trust and bonding grew stronger,we let her out off leash. But she would still try to sneak away under our watch (smart!) and we would have to run in front of her to stop her from going further. As she grew older,she became more sensitive and fearful and dare not to venture far from our house without us walking with her. Until the day before she left,she still insisted to go out to pee with her weak wobbly legs. Just that we have to carry her as she couldn't walk too long.

The 1st Nest:
We gave her a box to sleep in, and put her at the back of kitchen at night. I would eventually carried the box with her sleeping inside to the back of kitchen every night (I don't know why). Then we found an old dog cage,so we caged her at night when we sleep. Fearing that mosquito would drained her blood,mom made a mosquito net for her (tailor-made!). Then we changed furniture so she had a cushion as bed! My mom made her a cotton (real cotton) bed too! She changed quite a few beds in her lifetime!
At her old age where she couldn't jumped with bad eyesight,she couldn't sleep inside her cage anymore.Mom put her bed outside of her cage.We let one of the lights and fans for her at night.

The Last Hyperactive:
Whenever I came back,she would welcome me with her short waggy tail and butt so that anyone could tell how happy she was. Then I would let her sat on my lap like old time until mom urged me to bath. But this time she just gave me a short greeting. She didn't came out like usual when I got home until I went near to her bed. She still follow me around for a while and curled up on my lap for a little while. Mom said she just recovered from don't know what sickness and she just got back her strength to walk around on that day.

The Last Days:
Her eyes were in grey caused by cataracts, almost blind. Her hearing ability decreased that we not sure whether she still could hear us. She was so skinny that as if only a layer of skin covering her bones. She just laid on her bed the whole day until she stood up signaling us that she wants to go out.
Her condition was unpredictable. It was a day of getting better then a day of just sleeping on bed. On the 8th day of Dragon Year, she refused to eat anything,even cereal with minced meat that she finished the day before. At night, we tried to feed her hard-boiled egg and to our relief, she ate the whole egg yolk and half of the egg.
On the 9th day,again she refused to eat. Just a little bit of 'Ang Gu' and water. I put her on my lap for the last time as mom changed her bed cover. At night,I noticed her breathing difficulty problem. She was like dropped her head to a side and grasping for air. I sat by her and comforted her until she got her breath back. I told mom that tomorrow we should call the vet. Mom said she is just waiting for her time.
2 something at night, I was sleepy but I was unwilling to sleep. Mom wasn't sleeping yet as well. I kept an eye on her while editing my resume. Mom went to bed. She grasping for air again. My hand felt her bed was wet. She wet her bed at last. I told her it was okay and I'll bring her to vet tomorrow and she hid her face away as if she felt ashamed of wetting her bed. I shut down my laptop,left the light and fans on for her and went to bed.

Back to the 1st:
Mom woke me up saying I should be awake. I checked the time,it's 8 just something,too early and unusual for her to wake me up. I wanted to get back to sleep but I felt something was not right,so I got up anyway. I went out to look for her but she and her bed was not there. I asked mom where is she, mom said she's dead. Mom put her in a box with her towel. Her eyes weren't shut tight, her limps weren't stiff, as if she was just sleeping. We dug a hole and buried her at the back of our house. She is still nearby.


I watched an episode of Dog Whisperer where a family was still grieving for their lost dog. The kid of the family said the dog has finally able to run freely again and not covered in white fur anymore. I guess this is the best way to think of her. She is hyperactive again with her cute big puppy eyes that made her looked smart,her sharp hearing, and loud barking,she is young once more. I would never forget her young days where she jumped around the cushions in living room like crazy,her big wide eyes,her snuggled on my laps,slept on my butt when I laid in living room watching tv. I would never forget also my heartache when I saw her cataract grey-white eyes, white muzzles and whiskers, white fur,old age of her.

She made me fall in love with dogs.
We grow up together but I wasn't here when she was growing old.
Mimi was a great dog.
Thanks you for growing up with me.
Sorry for not being there with you while you were growing old.
But I'm glad I was here during her last days.
Mom said she'd chosen the right time.
Indeed. I came back for new year. I was here with her.
I was the last person she saw and heard. And she waited until everyone was asleep. Then she sneaked away. Silently.

Friday, January 27, 2012

小时候看X-Men总幻想自己某天会有超能力,
然后就可以行侠仗义当英雄。

再长大些看Pokemon时幻想自己有只喷火龙,
可爱小龙进化成威猛飞龙继续喷火战斗坏人。

再长大些后发现这些都是小孩子的梦想,
所以要实际点,理想着以后长大了要找份很高薪水的工作当成功人士可以让父母骄傲让亲戚闭嘴 X)

结果长大成人后发现实际的理想其实也没有很实际,
目前毕业了的理想就是找份工作从什么都不会开始努力学,平平淡淡的有份可以过日子的薪水,然后老狗狗可以不那么痛苦,父母健康大家好好的就好了。

I know she'll leave us soon. Just hope not so soon.
Even though she's having wobbly legs she still insist to go out for pee pee and poo poo.
Such a good dog. Such a great dog.
Hoping she'll feel better tomorrow.
Everything is possible.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

境界

到了一种境界哦,
你会认同那句,
‘既然没有缘分,那没有在一起那也没有什么好可惜的了。’ 前提是:至少努力过。

不必再把思念表现出来,
自己知道就好。
也不必去求问她到底过得好不好,
因为她有自己的生活要过,
你也有自己的生活要过。
不必为他人而‘独守空房’,
有缘来时珍惜就好。
缘分还没到也莫须强求,
伤心一下下就好,
一下下哦~

如此顺其自然的境界,
都可以出家了,阿弥陀佛。

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

人生中第一次远途旅程

两个星期的流浪,不能说好玩,也不能说不好玩。
去了好多个城市,走了好多的路,住在不同的地方,遇到不同的人,见到不同的朋友。
要感谢朋友们的热情招待,特别是我‘阿娘’,哎呀搞得我太不好意思了。
中国人好客,好客到你很不好意思的一种程度。我体会到到‘有朋自远方来不亦乐乎’的体会了。而我是那个‘朋’。
又内疚,因为过去也没带手礼过去给朋友们。哎太不好意思。还是不太懂礼数,不够识大体。

杭州-厦门-上海-西塘-苏州
住了两次的青年旅社,我很喜欢。每个城市都有的青年旅社,环境很不错。
照片有1500多张,还没传入电脑,在烦恼那么多照片放进电脑会不会把我电脑撑满?

不能说好玩,也不能说不好玩。我知道这次的旅程经历让我成长了一些,哪方面又说不上来。
我知道下次的旅程我会计划得更好。